Dear Alex, Just so you know for next time...
1. Go for Mummy / Toddler walks, they're great. Watching your not-so-little-anymore baby toddle along next to you full of independence, learning about the big wide world, is brilliant. There's not a lot better.
2. Bring the cat, he likes to feel included.
3. ALWAYS, ALWAYS bring some sort of tissue / wipe along on walks, especially when there is thick oozy mud that your toddler decides to face plant himself into.. Then maybe you won't have to walk all the way home carrying a very heavy toddler who is insistent on either eating the mud from his hands or smearing them across your face or both. You also won't have to try and get the cat to understand why its home time.. RIGHT NOW.
4. Did you not know that it's somewhat advisable to wear wellington boots during village walks straight after the heavens have opened? It's also advisable to buy your Son a pair of wellies so that he doesn't have to walk through very muddy puddles with his sandals on.. CHEAP SKATE!
5. After changing into the appropriate footwear and cleaning the mud that somehow got EVERYWHERE off of your toddler, you may re-begin your walk.
6. Oh and I should have said, it would have been advisable at this point to put some socks on. Firstly, it's unhygienic to not wear socks with your wellies. And secondly, your ankles will rub - and it will hurt. A lot. The excuse of, 'But my baby was hanging off of me distraught at the prospect of the walk being over so quickly, so I couldn't run upstairs and find a pair of socks' is not a valid one.
7. As Ethan doesn't seem to possess a pair of wellies, it's advisable that he just doesn't walk on this occasion. He likes the trike - so take the trike. That way it will get muddy and he will stay clean.
8. Don't forget the house keys. You put your hands in your pocket, breathe a sigh of relief and then - PANIC.. "WHERE ARE THE HOUSE KEYS?!" You left them in the front door. So go on - back home you go! Next time, check you have them before walking off.
9. Once you are in possession of your house keys, try to ignore all the curtain twitching from neighbours who are mildly confused as to why they've witnessed you pass their house three times in the last 10 minutes. This will just make you more stressed.
10. When you take a 'I'm very stressed' selfie - wear make-up. Then you won't scare all of the people that read the post that you'll write on your blog about how stressed you were.
11. So third time lucky - head to the park. Take a calm, relaxed, perfect snap on your iPhone of Ethan on his trike with the wind blowing through his hair. Then upload it to Instagram so that you can look back next year via timehop and remember that time that you took the 'perfect walk'. By then you'll hopefully have forgotten all of the drama that went with that photograph.
12. When you FINALLY get to the park, hope that your toddler wants to stay longer than five minutes. Oh no, he didn't did he.. after spending less than five minutes on the swing, he wants to come home. It's five o'clock, he's hungry, he wants his dinner. A dinner that should have been ready at 5. That same dinner that you haven't started cooking because of mud-gate, cat-gate, wellie-gate and every other bloody sort of gate!
13. So go on limp home.. I told you it was a bad idea not wearing socks. Those blisters on your ankles look nasty. And watching you limp out of breath all the way home with a muddy trike and a hungry toddler is, well, just rather embarrassing.
So, yeah, there you go.... just so you know for next time!
Oh well. Can't win 'em all. Why not enjoy looking at some of the views that you missed out on in the heat of it all instead..
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