1. I can listen to multiple requests at the same time and respond to them all. Example: Andy: Honey where's the hammer? Annika: Mayzie took my bunny. Make her give it back. Mayzie: I want some juice. My response: Let her play with the bunny. Use your polite words. The hammer got lost in the move honey.
2. I lick my thumb to wipe my kids' faces even though I remember how gross it was when my mom did it.
3. Projectile vomit doesn't even make me flinch.
4. From the driver's seat of my car I can reach anything that has fallen to the floor in the backseat.
5. I can put together a healthy lunch in less than 5 minutes. Our old babysitter's favorite that I once told her to serve as running out the door: venison sausage, blueberries, and crackers with goat cheese.
6. In less than 20 minutes, I can get myself and both my girls dressed and out the door. I swear I should get a medal for this.
7. I can hear a cough, sneeze, or whimper in my sleep and will wake to worry and comfort the child who emitted it asap.
8. When Annika climbs things that make other mothers worry out loud to me, I consistently respond by saying, "Don't worry, we have good health insurance."
9. My purse always contains gum, bubbles, a plastic shopping bag, crayons, a pad of paper, and extra underpants for all the girls in my family (including me).
10. Singing theme songs to kids' shows is a daily occurrence.
11. I hide chocolate in the kitchen and can eat it stealthily enough so as not to be found out.
12. I've flown alone internationally with 2 children under 5 without incident.
13. I know how to deal with kiddie jet-lag.
14. I build outstanding forts in my living room.
15. I keep my calm when my kids are losing their schmidt in the middle of any store.