Reflecting on my twenties reminds me how much I've done and how much I've achieved. Especially considering that I started my twenties feeling a little lost and unsure of what I wanted to do work-wise, not knowing if Adam and I would ever like to have children and a little bit unsure of who exactly I was.
And now here I am starting my thirties, and whilst we all know that age is just a number, I do wonder what the next ten years of my life might look like. I can only hope that they might be as wonderful as the previous ten years have been. Perhaps my thirties might be the decade where I discover more about myself and continue to do as I've done during the past year and be less hard on myself about things out of my control.
Today I thought I'd do something a little fun and sit and make a list of 20 things that I feel I've learnt about myself in the last 30 years.
1. I suit motherhood way more than I ever thought I would. I don't mean this in an arrogant way in the slightest. It's just that I was never a maternal person. I didn't carry a doll around as a little girl and think about being a Mum one day in the future. I was always quite awkward around young children and babies (and if I'm honest I still can be unless they're my own). I wasn't sure if Adam (who I met at school) and I would ever want to start trying for a family, but at the age of 24 I decided I wanted to be a Mum and it's honestly the best. My eldest is five and these years with him and his little brother have been the most magical. They bring out the best in me and (I hope) I bring out the best in them. Motherhood, though an emotional rollercoaster, is just incredible.
2. I prefer to be close to just a few people, I'm not one for a crowd. I've always been this way. I'm uncomfortable in groups, but in my element when I can talk one-on-one with someone and really get to know them.
3. I don't feel awkward calling people out. I'm not one for small insignificant dramas at all. I'll usually just turn my head and roll my eyes. But when it comes to injustices where people are treating people badly for no reason or someone has done/is doing something wrong, I can't help but speak up. I know a lot of people feel awkward complaining or speaking up in certain situations, but I can't stop myself.
4. I'm such a cat-lady and I love it. Honestly, I can see a cat walking down the street that I've never seen before in my life and I will love it and want to cuddle it from the very first moment that I lay eyes on it. I have so much love in my heart for all animals, but especially so for cats. I've always been like it.
5. I like things clean and tidy. I'm not OCD with cleaning and tidying, but I've always been happiest when things feel tidy and look clean. One of the things I hate the most is feeling like I'm walking on bits on the floor, I love a good hoover!
6. I am a deep thinker. I think it's just the way I was born, I've always thought quite deeply about things. Sometimes it bugs me as I have a tendency to over think, so I try to find a way to quiet my mind down when that happens. But on the whole I actually quite like it, I feel like being a deep thinker helps me to appreciate things more and understand my own and other peoples emotions better.
7. I suffer with anxiety, but I'm also determined to not let it hold me back. I've suffered with anxiety since my teens, though I didn't recognize it as that at the time. And this year, following a lot of health worries, I've started to suffer with panic attacks also. I've learnt to accept that it's part of me. It's not something that I'm embarrassed about - I actually like talking about it as I feel that anxiety and other mental health issues should be spoken about so much more as so many of us come up against things like anxiety at different points in our life. I'm learning how to manage mine, sometimes it feels easier to do than other days, but one thing I refuse to do is to let it hold me back.
8. I'm really in love and I feel so lucky to have found my Husband when I did. Adam is everything and more that I could have ever wished for in a Husband. We've been together since we were 14 and we've made so many memories together. He's my best friend and I honestly cannot imagine my life without him by my side. Words just aren't enough to describe how much he means to me.
9. I take ages to make decisions on things. I always analyze all my options over and over to try and make the right choices. It usually always works out well, but I annoy myself in how long it takes, haha!
10. I don't take myself too seriously. I'm always making jokes and they're usually aimed at myself. I'm always laughing and I find it draining to be around people who take themselves way too seriously.
11. I think I'm quite a positive person. I've done the whole glass half empty thing, but it just doesn't work out very well and leaves me feeling crap. I've taught myself to always look for the positive in things and remember that most of the things we worry about are honestly quite insignificant in the big grand scheme of things.
12. I'll never eat meat again. Becoming a vegetarian was one of the best decisions I've ever made. I've been vegetarian since my early teens and can hand on heart say that I'll never (willingly) eat meat again. I'm a vegetarian for moral reasons and I'd one day love to call myself a vegan too!
13. I often feel different to other people. I can't put my finger on why, maybe a lot has to do with the fact that I'm an introvert, or that I just don't really like being around groups of people. Sometimes I can feel lonely in a room full of people, but then completely opposite when there's just one other person with me.
14. I get on better with males. I don't really know why that is, I think it could be because I'm quite a jokey sort of person and a lot of the males I know are too. But I've always found I am more comfortable around the opposite sex.
15. I can't cook. I get distracted so easily. Cooking is definitely not a skill of mine! Though thankfully my Husband is a great cook as we both love our food!
16. Blogging is the perfect job for me. I love that I get to feel connected to like-minded people that I may otherwise have never met without having to leave my comfort zone. I think without it I might feel quite disconnected socially.
17. I wouldn't change the past. My 'Dad' left when I was three months old, things weren't always smooth growing up. Like everyone else, I've done and said things that I wish I hadn't. The list of 'regrets' or things that haven't been right can go on and on, but I believe that everything that happens to us teaches us something and ultimately makes us stronger. I wouldn't change the past given the opportunity.
18. I love the summer. I am such a summer-girl, I feel like such a happier, brighter person when the sun is shining and the evenings are lighter. You can't beat a bit of sunshine, spontaneous days out, days in the garden with the pool out, BBQ's, sitting outside chatting with family during warm evenings. Summer is the best!
19. I love taking photographs and capturing moments. It's why I started blogging - the idea of being able to capture moments means so much to me. I love looking back, especially at videos and photos of the boys as babies. These photos and videos will be so important to me when I'm old and the boys are adults themselves.
20. I find history absolutely fascinating! Especially the Tudor Era. There's something about reflecting on the people who lived before us which fascinates me. I wonder what life was like for them before the things we have now like cars and planes and the Internet. Reading about history seems to give me such a good perspective also. This world is so much more than us here right now, it's ours now, but it hasn't always been and it won't always be. Afterall, one day we'll be history too.
21. I want my boys to really enjoy their childhood, know how loved they are and to stay close to me always. I know this is what every parent wants, but it's what it's all about isn't it?! Family means absolutely everything and I want my boys to always feel secure, content and happy when it comes to family life. I hope they'll always feel able to come to me and I hope when they're older they'll look back on their childhood with a happy heart. <3
Thank you for reading. Alex xo