2. Mosquitos in the darkness. Dear mosquito, I wish I may, I wish I might ... punch you in the face tonight.
3. Unrealistic password requirements. Passwords that require a number, your mother's maiden name and an upper and lowercase letter. LATER.
4. Reading 34780324870340 hashtags. Uhm #No. Dear Instagram, that's eeeeee'nuff. GAH. PS. Why does life look perfect on Instagram?
5. When apps ask you really stoooooopid questions. PS. I am quite certain that parents don't forget that they have children. Those little trolls need to be fed every 10 seconds. Kidding. Not kidding. Every 5 seconds. Okay, sometimes.
6. When people say: "Success is the best revenge." Bullshit. Revenge is the best revenge.
7. Removing makeup. I know it's bad for my skin and my face may fall off. WHATEVER.
Note to self: If I don't remove it, I won't have to put makeup on the next day. FOR THE WIN.
8. Computer notifications: Would you like to update now or later? Where's the NEVER button??!! I'll do it when my computer crashes for no good reason which forces me to make time for dealing with that high maintenance bullshit.
9. Matching socks. There's not enough time in the world to navigate through whatever current state my laundry is in. THANKS, BUT NO. Finding socks in my house is like finding Nemo in the never never land.
10. Screeching car alarms. For the love of Pete....would it be bad if I karate kicked the car in the parking lot? PS. Car alarms always put me in a panic. What is that?! Is it my car? Is my life going to end when someone throttles me?
11. Untying shoes before removing them. Never have I ever. I'm willing to accept the repercussions of that - because I wholeheartedly believe in my stoopid shoe untying decisions.
12. Incorrect username or password notification. Whahhhhhhhhhaaa???? Which one was incorrect?!! The username OR the password?
Solution: correctly answering an absolutely impossible skill testing AKA security question that you have zero clue what the answer is.
13. Feeding my cat. I'm kidding. Chill it.
14. Wait. I have a new one. People who say chill it. Stahp. STAHP IT RIGHT NOW. Has anyone in the history of ever, actually chilled it when someone said chill it?
15. Word documents : "do you want to save your changes?" Don't take that tone with me, little ms. Wordy word word. Changes? What changes? Nothing makes me hate WORD more than that judgemental notification. Dear WORD document, I didn't change a thing and I have a darkness inside of me that you are about to see.
16. Trail mix. They call it that for a reason. It has trail in it and it tastes like twig. Thank the genius who decided to save us with M&M's.
17. Commercials.
18. Non stop talkers. They make coffee nervous.
19. Cleaning up the yard after a thunderstorm has scattered debris everywhere. I go limp. Sorry, I've got this rare disease where I go blind and can't use my hands when I'm around a wheelbarrow. Or a chainsaw.
20. Health bars. They should come with a warning label - eat this and you'll die of dry mouth.
Jump right in and help me add them to the list....
AND
Don't forget to come see me on Instagram ... where it's cool to be square.
~ Belly laughs are happening ~