A part of this new awakening of the adult me is definitely due to the distance between my father and I. He wished me happy birthday via text and it was the first contact we've had since the week before Christmas. I have felt in his shadow my entire life. His achievements, his personality - it was like I was a watered-down version of him. My perception of him as this terrible husband to my mom and stepmom interfered with the idea of him as my dad. He wasn't a great dad, he didn't want me to shine - he wanted the shadow to be on me so he could rule in the spotlight, but that doesn't make him a terrible father either. I'm still unwilling to connect more than a text back saying 'thanks, love you too' because I don't want to go into the same pattern that the child in me got sucked into. I was not born to be a shadow dweller or feel guilt-ridden about not giving 100% of my time and attention to him. Part of being an adult is about sharing the spotlight with the rest of your world, and he just never grew up.
Anyways onto happier things. I spent the day shopping at the outlets with M and it was great. I am $200 lighter, but have a new Coach bag, wallet, and several new outfits for work.
Did you ever feel like a particular age was your transition age?