Adorable. weheartit.com
Candy companies and lingerie stores would have you believe that Valentine’s Day is about a particularly boring kind of vanilla, hetero-love.
I call bullshit.
I love Valentine’s Day and I am not at all romantic. I’m pretty much anti-romantic because romance is boring. Valentine’s Day, however, is not boring. It’s a bright, happy explosion of pink and red in the middle of winter. Who wouldn’t like that?! Plus, it has it’s roots in a Pagan sex festival.
For me, Valentine’s Day is about love and sex, not romance. The difference? I think people should embrace who they are, what they love and where they are in life at this moment and NOT compare themselves to other people, including the annoying couples in diamond commercials.
Side note: diamonds are NOT forever. They’re for 60 or 70 years max and then you die.
So what do I suggest for Valentine’s Day?
1. Self Love
Oscar knows best.
I support single girls having a day of self-love, whether it’s with a vibrator or a rom-com marathon… or both if you really like Meg Ryan. I also support doing anything that makes you feel good about yourself: painting your nails, eating a cheeseburger, writing short stories, etc. Valentine’s Day is the perfect time to remember that the real love story of your life is between you and yourself. You are stuck with you. It’s like an arranged marriage, Marie Antoinette-style, so you better start loving yourself.
2. Understanding the Person You’re Sleeping With/Married To/Dating/Friends With
Can this be my wedding china?
I support relationships in which people have taken the time to learn your specific tastes and interests, as opposed to being a slave to the sexist things society labels “for girls” or “for boys.”
Example: Red roses
No thanks. I’d prefer basil. Basil is also a symbol of love. AND you can make pesto with it. AND you can cast spells with it.
Example: Box o’chocolates
I’d rather have a $5 bag of Cadbury Mini Eggs. Or margaritas. Or a bottle of tequila.
Example: Lingerie
I feel like Fiancé would pick out a very tasteful nightgown and I’d be like, “WHY DOES THIS NOT HAVE LEATHER AND CHAAAAAAAAAAINS???” and he’d be all, “because we don’t live in a sex dungeon” and then I’d pout because I wish we did live in a sex dungeon. Or, you know, adjust that scenario to something that applies to your life…
So, maybe your lumberjack boyfriend would appreciate flowers? Or maybe Season 4 of The X-Files would make your girlfriend happy. Or maybe you should do something as a couple, like walk dogs at the SPCA. Or maybe your friends would appreciate some pot brownies. There are SO many different lifestyles and so many different kinds of relationships, romantic and platonic. Take the time to really understand the people in your life.
3. Sit This One Out
Just because I love Valentine’s Day and, for different reasons, Hallmark loves Valentine’s Day, does not mean you have to love it. You are under no obligation to participate. That’s the great thing about freedom and stuff. If you want to celebrate Valentine’s Day by going to work and then falling asleep at 8:30pm, I think that’s great. If you want to watch slasher movies while picturing your ex’s face, go for it. If you want to eat salad and meditate, I support you. The choice is yours. Maybe you’re more of a Halloween person, anyway…
P.S. If you’re looking for Alternative Valentine’s Day gift ideas, particularly for teens, but you could adjust them for your life, I wrote this article.
