Dear The People,
I have 12 days now to go before my year of blogging is up. “Up” as in the ticker on my “daily” will have been fulfilled…though “technically,” I’ll be going two days beyond that, to make up for the two days of consecutive that I missed within the year. (Even though I made it up by double blogging the following day.)
…Because I’m OCD.
Then what?
That is what I’ve asked myself for over a month now. Because I like to plan ahead.
Then: what?
365 blogs in a row, every day? What follows that?
It’s been a journey of sacrifice, (mostly in sleep), as 2am, backdated postings are more than oft the norm. As are dressing room posts, and posts from bars, and bathrooms and beds and from time-to-time, even the office. Posting anything, even the completely unextraordinary. (Mostly that, in fact.) The point was: could I do it? Despite schedules. And two jobs, and late nights and a fairly unexciting life?
…Listen, I’ve blogged about everything from Cheerios to poop to theater to taking long walks. I don’t have the kind of lifestyle that is required for this kind of medium. Nor the horrible enough childhood. But I stuck to it anyway. Because I’m a stubborn asshole. (We’ve met, this is not news.) Point is: it did it’s job. It was a mutherfucking challenge. For a year.
…So: now what?
Here’s the good side: Free therapy for an entire year.
…I bluntly shared 90% of my life with you people. And even more difficult than under the masthead of a total stranger, most of my readers actually know who I am. I’ve protected the identity to all but the Facebook, (where Boss has been blocked.) A google search couldn’t link my name to this blog no matter how hard you try. On total purpose. But I still know a lot of people. People who read this for reasons I will never understand. People who read this whom I barely know…patrons and one-time show cast members and people I’ve met on the side. A disconcerting often reality is being actually faced with this. When (for instance) after a show in the lobby, someone talks about a certain post…or out in the real world, crossing paths in the grocery store, a blog title will pop out from across the aisle, because they KNOW.
…SO MANY PEOPLE “KNOW” ME NOW.
Like acting, writing is a naked art. Even the “unartful” kind. Maybe especially, that kind.
Every. Single. Day.
…I throw shit out there. Into the blogosphere. For just ANYONE to read. Sometimes it’s a basic “nothing.” Sometimes it’s more intimate than I’ve shared with my BFF. That mental distance between me and a blank internet page is infinitely (I’ve learned) different from face-to-face. Let’s face it: for better or for worse…the “internet” is basically the toilet bowl of the world. Anyone can cough out anything. And that sort of strange autonomy makes it somehow easier.
…It’s “easier.”
…But I’ve learned, by doing it for a solid year…by reading others who have done the same…by the shared art of the “artform” …(which it very much is: an “artform.”) I have learned it takes a certain talent to communicate the average Joe’s highs and lows to the world at large, and make it matter.
I am not a master, by any means.
…But in one year I have accumulated well over 12,000 reads, (where my last blog in three years time only had acquired 3,000.)
I’m learning.
I’m growing.
It’s an artist’s job.
I’m doing what I’m supposed to. But I don’t always know the “next” part.
…We rarely do.
Huge part “fate,” huge part “luck”…my field runs this race as a general profession.
I know it well.
…I spring-train the fuck outta myself for it.
But you still never quite “know.”
…And I don’t.
What’s “next”?
Will I keep at it? Will it be daily, or weekly, or monthly?
…Would anyone really care but me?
Listen, I’ve learned so much from you. Just by the reading. WHAT you read. WHAT you comment on. And WHY.
…It somehow, has really come to matter to me. And that was never the “intent.” But as I watch my stat scores, it makes my mind wander…
…”So you had a bad day too?”, I think.
…”So you suck at dating as well?”
…”So Behind-the-scene theater is a real-world curiosity?”
…”So ‘process’ is a through-line artistic goal?”
…”So a bad day…even worst…can still be ‘funny.’”
You have all taught me so very much this year. I feel you deserve drop-cred on my resume.
And this is all to say: Thanks.
To the new friends, barely acquaintances and all.
My Teachers (aka readers): I salute you.
~D