We hear a lot about self-love and self-care these days. (And thank goodness!) But there’s a certain type of self-love we don’t often hear much about: solo sex.
There's an air of taboo to talking about solo pleasure and how it could benefit your physical and mental well-being. It’s not normally on the list of a common self-care routine. But it should be.
Masturbation is an act we’re all likely familiar with. But exploring solo pleasure can be a somatic experience that can be used as a healing and transformational tool. Solo pleasure is so much more than meets the eye.
In this article, we’ll explore what mindful solo pleasure is, where it fits in a self-care routine, and 5 amazing benefits.
Where solo pleasure and self-love practices meet
Self-love can mean a lot of things. It’s deeply unique and personal to everyone. Self-love could mean investing time in connecting to your physical self or finding love and compassion for your emotional self.
If you want it to be, self-love can also be found in self-pleasure.
When we connect to our own bodies and invest in exploring our pleasure –that is an act of self-love. Despite popular belief, we don’t need another person to help us achieve intimacy and pleasure. In fact, it’s a great idea to connect with yourself intimately before exploring partnered sex.
What is mindful self-pleasure?
Mindful masturbation, aka mindful solo sex, is a slow, intentional, and meandering form of self-pleasure There is no rushing to the climax finish line with mindful self-pleasure.
Instead of being goal-oriented (orgasm as fast as possible), you take the scenic route. You consciously feel your body, and pay attention to what it’s like to embody your pleasure.
I liken it to a very pleasurable meditation.
If you’ve ever tried a guided meditation you’ve heard someone say “If your mind begins to drift, gently bring your attention back to the breath and the present moment.” The same goes for solo pleasure. If your mind begins to judge, push or wander – simply bring your attention to what you feel in your body.
Tip: Try beginning with a body massage and breathing slowly. Spice this up and consider adding lubricants, arousal oils, or even your good old wand vibrator. There are no rules here.
5 healing benefits of mindful solo pleasure & self-intimacy
Let’s dive into the benefits you may enjoy while practicing mindful solo pleasure.
#1 Grounding & deepening of the mind-body connection.
For many of us, sex can be ungrounding. We’re all up in our heads about what we look like, what we sound like, and if we’re pleasuring our partner right. Being up in your head profoundly disconnects you from your body.
A mindful solo-pleasure practice is all about nurturing your loving non-judgment connection to your physical body.
Actively redirecting your awareness from the head and into your bodily experience during intimate moments has the potential to be deeply healing.
#2 A solo pleasure practice creates a safe & loving environment to experience pleasure.
When you practice mindful solo pleasure that is non-judgmental and gentle, you’ve also created a sacred environment. This is a place where you are safe, held, and seen to explore your most intimate self. You are free to openly connect to yourself and your deepest pleasure potential.
For those of us who have experienced sexual trauma or sexual shame, this safe haven you create may prove to be deeply healing.
#3 Pleasure creates a rush of feel-good chemicals that can lower stress & anxiety.
When we engage in pleasure, our bodies release feel-good chemicals such as dopamine, serotonin, oxytocin, prolactin, and endorphins. These neurochemicals have been proven to lower stress and anxiety, decrease physical pain, and improve concentration, mood, and self-esteem.
#4 Solo pleasure helps with gaining confidence & it may soothe internal sexual shame
Exploring and understanding your body and pleasure via mindful self-pleasure is a natural confidence boost.
Growing in this area of your life can bring about major empowerment, especially if you have negative self-belief or a negative relationship with your sexuality. (And if you do, you’re certainly not alone.)
Exploring your solo pleasure could serve as a repatterning if you’ve been taught you’re not good enough, sexy enough, thin enough, or womanly enough. Or if you’ve been taught your pleasure doesn’t matter as much as your partner’s pleasure. Or if you’ve been taught your sexuality is dirty, shameful, or should be kept a secret.
As women, there are countless beliefs we’ve internalized about our own bodies and pleasures and so many of them are harmful.
Moving beyond these beliefs is empowering and can boost your confidence like nothing else. Your body is capable of deep pleasure, intimacy, and sensuality–it’s there if you want to explore it.
#5 Solo pleasure helps us connect with what WE want without worrying about how our partner is feeling.
Partnered sex is a beautiful shared intimacy. But there is a power in connecting to yourself sexually without any other influences. During mindful self-pleasure, there is no one else to please or connect with other than yourself. It's just about you and what feels good in your body. This is a necessary self-love practice. You’ll learn things about yourself you never knew, and find stimulation you never tried before.
This practice indirectly deepens our partnered sex too.
We can bring what we’ve discovered during solo pleasure into partnered sex. Ask your partner to touch you the way you learned feels best for you. If during your solo-pleasure time, you learned you have a deep need to feel safe or affirmed, share that with your partner and ask them to help you create that feeling.
In closing
Try incorporating mindful solo pleasure into your self-love and self-care routine. It can be profoundly healing and transformational. Take your time, drop down into your body, and intentionally enjoy your pleasure. You deserve that.
Author Bio:
Lauren Johnson
Lauren is the founder of BerryLemon, where she works to modernize pleasure products and sex education for all.
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