There was a time that the idea of being a Mum didn't appeal to me. I was never maternal as a little girl. I didn't have a doll that I pretended was my baby and I always felt a little awkward around babies and children as a teen. I wanted to marry my childhood sweetheart but I never envisioned us with children.
When I got to 23 I was struggling with back pain from scoliosis and the pain killers I was taking gave me side effects which felt very similar to what I knew to be early pregnancy symptoms. At the time I thought that perhaps I could be pregnant and so I spoke to Adam about it. And it was at that very moment that we both realised that we actually hoped I was. We were ready - we wanted to be parents and start a family.
Of course I wasn't pregnant at that time, but fortunately it didn't take long before we were able to begin a new chapter in our lives with our first baby growing in my tummy. We announced the pregnancy on our wedding day just after Adam's wedding speech and my gosh it felt totally and utterly magical. I realised then that we were on the right path and that perhaps I was always destined to be a Mummy.
Five years on and here we are with our five year old Ethan and our second little boy Logan who is three at the end of June. And life has honestly stayed just as magical as it was on the day we got married and told everybody about our little baby bump.
Don't get me wrong - parenthood is absolutely no walk in the park, it's the scariest 'hood I've ever been through, but there's nothing more rewarding. And there's nothing that can top the memories you make together as a family. Even the ones where you're 2 year old screams an entire four hour flight and kicks your drink everywhere . Even then the other memories you make have the power to make you forget the challenging parts. It's a bit like childbirth you could say.
So what have I learnt in my 5 years of being a Mum?
Well firstly I've learnt a lot about myself and what makes me happy, as well as what I ultimately want from life. I've learnt that you never stop learning about yourself or anything else around you. I've learnt that happiness comes from within and that what I want is more of what I already have because that's what makes me happy. And I've learnt that life's about collecting moments not things.
I've learnt that most parents or in fact people are winging it, winging parenthood, winging life. We're all just winging our way through things. It's easy to convince ourselves (especially thanks to social media) that some people have it all together and are sailing their way through different parts of life, but the truth is is that no one is. We're all just doing our best.
I've learnt that parenting doesn't have to change you. I am honestly still the same as I was pre-parenthood, my relationship with my Husband is the same (despite the increase in pointless bickering pretty much always over parent-related topics as we wing our way through raising our tiny humans). I've learnt that I feel more content and more confident around my children. I've learnt that I'm still not great at socialising and that baby groups weren't really for me. I felt lonely sometimes in the first few years whilst my babies were still young and couldn't hold conversations, but that changed as my boys grew older and became little people themselves. Now they're little friends to me.
I've also learnt that all children are different. They hit milestones at different ages and in different ways. They all have different personalities and different ways of doing things. What works for one doesn't always work for the other. Like adults, kids are unique. There seems to be too much pressure on what age they are when they achieve certain things and how fast they developing. I actually find 'guides' and books on parenting too much. Raising children isn't a one size fits all sort of thing.
After 5 years of being a Mum I've learnt that it's about doing your best, but also giving yourself a break when you don't feel able to. It's about love and memories and moments. And forgiveness and letting go and relaxing with things but also keeping on top of things too. Like most things in life it's about balance, in every single way.
Thank you for reading. Alex xo
