The following is an unedited photo of my little brother and baby brother. I took the picture myself, on the family camera. It was a huge show of trust because those were the days where cameras were heavy and actual film was used. I was only a little older than my little brother and I was incredibly nervous about doing something wrong.
I don’t know how many green balloons he’d received at this point in his life. Perhaps 99, maybe just 10, but it was part of his style, as was his trademark severity. Here, he was worried I would drop the camera, but not for the camera’s sake. He was worried that I would feel like I failed.
I think of this photo often. A copy of it is always on my computer desktop, in reach for those days when I can’t quite find my focus.
It has become my totem– a ticket to the center of my balance. It is a picture of the inside of my heart. It is my mood, the one that is ever-present even when I am experiencing everything else the world has to offer.
There is chaos, and calm. There is fast-moving motion and a good deal of dark stillness.
I take a deep breath, and move through the stillness.
There is Patience, waiting to reach out in case I need to borrow a hand or two. It is a strong pair of hands, marked with string bracelets I made myself– a gift of moon love and sisterly protection. The hands belong to a child, with the soul of a sleeping tiger.
I take a deep breath, and breathe with the tiger.
Nearby, there is a Sleep. He is little, and quiet in the face of all chaos, reveling in peace. He is warm, and warmth– and just knowing he is there kindles the burning flame that brightens my heart.
I take a deep breath, and let myself shine from the inside out.
There is a green balloon– tied down, but not trapped. Like most things in life, it is transient. It will find a way to escape to the skies, or it will shout its way out of life with a glorious pop, or it will quietly return to the universe the air it was gifted. It will eventually become just one of ninety-nine.
The fragility of reality is not the point, though. The balloon is green, yes, but more importantly– it is tradition. It is permanent.
It is always my mood. It is forever my heart.
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For Bastet’s Pixelventures which is a great weekly prompt that needs your push to keep on going: http://wedrinkbecausewerepoets.com/2014/03/10/bastets-pixelventures-march-11-2014/
Also, a special shout out to Jennie from Tip Of My Tongue for making me think of the inside of my heart.
*All GIFS from Giphy.com
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What’s your favorite color balloon? What’s your mood today?