I've been quieter than usual across my online platforms and that sucks because I felt like I was perhaps picking up speed with it all. I'd found a routine that worked for me and I saw my subscribers over on YouTube growing, I was doing collabs with others and I was feeling confident about it all. And I still am, it's just that life has forced me to step back a bit.
I wish I could explain what's been going on, but I'm still waiting on further tests. The main thing is that I don't think it's anything serious. Right now my best guesses are extreme GERD/Reflux, some sort of gas/stomach virus/infection as well as horrible anxiety. I slept a grand total of two hours last night! I felt so aware of my heart beat, had tightening's in my chest and what felt like adrenaline pumping around my body.
The strange thing is is that this is all so unlike me. I've suffered with anxiety for many years, but absolutely nowhere near this level (if it even is that). I've never had panic attacks that have left me feeling the way I've felt lately. And what's more is that I am honestly not really worrying about anything much at all. Nothing in my life has really changed. In between feeling quite low about all of these horrible symptoms, I feel happy and grateful.
I've ruled a few things out - my heart has been tested on the two occasions that I've ended up in A&E with horrible chest pain and it's been the biggest relief when it's been found to be okay. I've been tested for my thyroid and blood sugar levels. The next test will be for something called H Pylori, which I think is a bit like a stomach bacteria infection. And then we'll go from there. I have requested Cognitive Behavioural Therapy to help me deal with how anxious this has all made me feel, especially after the two trips to A&E (you might have seen me talk about the traumatic first trip on YouTube a few weeks back). I'm currently on medication to help with the heartburn/GERD as well as anti-anxiety medication. There are a few nasty stomach viruses going around at the moment so the best case scenario is that it's just been a nasty virus that's lasted a bit longer than usual.
And then as a bit of a ray of sunshine, we had our trip to Disneyland Paris during the middle of the month. It was touch and go whether we'd actually make it there as I was struggling to get out of bed the day before. But we managed to get there and although the first night was a little difficult, we managed to have a really wonderful time. We made some amazing memories and it was the best distraction. It was tiring, rather cold and the boys had their fair share of tantrums but honestly it was mostly non-stop fun as we bounced from ride to ride and show to show. We had so much fun exploring the parks and just enjoying being away. The parade and the outside nighttime shows we're pure magic - I can't wait to share our videos and some blog posts with you all soon.
For April 2018 I'm hoping for warmer weather (come on Sun I know you're up there somewhere!), better health, less anxiety and the best fifth birthday for my little boy - my original 'Bump to Baby'. (How has it nearly been five years?!) We're also currently pencilled in for the work to begin to our home at the end of April too. I have talked briefly before about our plans for our home, but I will share a bit more about that again very soon now that it's all looking a lot more real.
Before I go I just wanted to say a huge thank you to those of you who are sticking by me and being patient whilst I'm a little slower online than I usually am. I have lots of content planned and I can't wait to get back in to the swing of things properly. Last month I decided to end my contract with Channel Mum who I was a sponsored vlogger for. There really is no big drama around it, I have so much admiration for those at Channel Mum, they're a good bunch and Siobhan who runs Channel Mum has a heart of gold. I've looked after the business side of things on my blog for over five years now and I simply wanted to do the same for my YouTube channel as it's become a big part of what I do now.
I hope you all had a lovely month and a great Easter too. Come on April 2018 - lets make it great!
Thank you for reading.
Alex xo SaveSave
