First of all, I have the perfect recipe to make a psychopath. Steps 1 through 4: you add a little bit of me, a healthy dash of the incorrigible men I often find myself attracted to, a shit ton of insecurity, a soupçon of some kind of addiction and Voila!!
You have the perfect psychopathic storm.
Let’s cut to the chase: Psychopaths are gender neutral, though the male of our species leads the diagnostic pack, but regardless of our plumbing, a psychopath is a pathological liar, a master manipulator and like a sponge, he can be a very adaptable charmer with the cunning to be who and what he needs to be once he sets his eyes on his mark. Then he’ll play him or her like a kitten with a skein of wool.
If that’s not bad enough, he’ll most likely have a distinct lack of remorse for everything, a failure to accept responsibility for anything, he’s defiantly clever, urbane, impulsive, smart enough to know just enough to be a chameleon in almost any circumstance. He can deliver completely plausible excuses and misinformation if need be and these are things he can concoct in a nano second.
“Why is that Laurie?”, you might be asking. Well, the answer to that query monkeys, would because many psychopaths can be terribly, horribly, frighteningly, and sadistically violent. Think Ted Buddy, Manson, The Zodiac, Richard Ramirez, Dahmer, Jack The Ripper and four of my last six gentleman friends.
Psychopaths are everywhere….pick a country, a race, they’re in every church, temple, mandir, ashram and mosque. The FBI, which now has divisions dedicated to accurate profiling of these kinds of people, do so solely on the evidence found at the crime scene and the modus operandi. Psychopaths can be creatures of habit and just arrogant enough to leave some weird signature. The FBI also estimates that about one percent of men in the U.S. alone are psychopaths, 15 percent in American prisons and the criminal ones showed odd hallmarks of being one as children. A big hint is cruelty to animals and other kids, even adults.
What to do, what to do?
Well, if you’re a full blown psychopath, sorry. There’s no vaccine, pill, no known cure for this mental malady. Not yet.
Researchers are hoping to come up with a successful treatment plan, but there’s no therapy protocol either. I’ve heard tales that some psychopaths are able to control many of their urges, but if you’re looking for someone with criminal psychopathy to be self aware enough to stifle their urges, the white coats say they’ve yet to encounter one.
In my contacts, on and off the couches of countless Freudians, Rogerians and Adlerians, I’ve learned that criminal psychopaths must be handled deftly, carefully. These people have well, certain “gifts”. They’re patients yes, but patients with almost uncontrollable penchants to be predatory. They can easily spot weaknesses in their therapists.
A hardened psychopath won’t seek treatment on their own, because the narcissistic tendencies from which they operate won’t allow them to think there’s anything wrong with them. Getting a psychopath on a shrink’s couch for the purpose of treatment is like trying to teach a cockroach to speak pig Latin. It can’t be done. You can’t teach someone remorse if they’re emotionally unable to feel it. Furthermore, PET scans of the brain tell us that psychopaths are physically incapable of feeling it. Something in their noggins is absent, which tends to make one wonder if psychopaths are born or created.
Experts debate this point. Some believe that it is indeed a genetically inherited condition, with flaws in the frontal cortex and limbic system. Others argue it can be environmental. Cruelty, abuse of all kinds, even abandonment if traumatic enough, will help break a person. Being broken is like a magnet for all kinds of fresh hells.
But, it should be made clear that not all psychopaths are criminals. Want proof? Watch any of the recent political debates. They’re politicians, agenda driven educators, nuns, priests, rabbis, doctors, lawyers or Teddy, the weird guy who works in the cubicle next to you who only eats lettuce with a latex glove on one hand while humming some really obscure Wagner opera. They’re CEO’s of Fortune 500 companies, news anchors, golf pros, housewives. They might not be committing violent crimes, but they’ll take advantage of you to get ahead without blinking an eye.
But…..
Can they love? My experience tells me no, they’re just damn good actors with portraying sincerity and concern as their performance strong suits.
To be honest, I’ve actually felt a little jealous of the men in my life who left as cavalierly as they entered it. While painful, this brazenly self-centered behavior can seem a bit enviable. After all, if one has no fear, shame, or conscience, then what could be the bugaboo that screws up everything?
That bugaboo is love.
A Canadian study revealed that researchers have been wrong. They merely assumed (for the reasons stated above) that psychopaths would probably be quite happy,. I mean what do they care about anyone else?? Well, that’s not always the case, apparently. The study revealed that the higher a test subject scored on the psychopathic spectrum, the less happy they were. Not only that, results indicated that these more benign psychopaths, if such a term exists, weren’t happy with their lives, wanted to be in a loving relationship and felt depressed if and when they weren’t.
Go figure.
Lastly, if you have a psychopath in your life, here’s how you deal with him or her. I have no original source for these, since they were recently emailed to me in this generic form.
1. Keep Your Emotions in Check
No matter how frustrated or upset you feel, Suppress, suppress, suppress. . Losing your cool gives a psychopath more power over you, it’s like fuel to them. If not, his suspicions as to where your most vulnerable are, will give him all he needs to know into the ways and means of manipulating your emotions. Be cool at all times. We’re talking a steel cucumber left in the fridge for six months.
2. Don’t Show That You’re Intimidated
Psychopaths often use intimidation to control others and could easily make subtle if not idle threats. Stand your ground assertively and make Maybelline proud by telling them “you is not kind, you is not smart, you is not important”. If this prompts any bullying or harassment, report incidents to human resources. Or even the cops, if warranted.
3. Don’t Buy Into Their Stories
Psychopaths often use long-winded tales to paint themselves as victims, often blaming others while refusing to take any responsibility for any wrongdoing.
Such assholes!!!
Showing sympathy for them plays into their hand, so keep things fact based and only fact based.
4. Turn the Conversation Back on Them
Pointing out a psychopath’s flaws can be the best way to disarm them. So when a psychopath blames someone else, turn the conversation back on them. Say something like, “Are you doing OK today? You weren’t your usual pithy self today. I wonder if you might be stressed out.” This is a disarming chink in their armor for sure.
5. Opt for Online Communication Whenever You Can. Generally speaking, try not to engage them AT All. Head west….head west!!
Trust me on this one, kids.
Check back in a few months when we continue to delve into mental and bodily functions. Next up: we’ll attempt to tackle why armpit BO often smells like cumin and onions.