A Super Controversial Topic...

{Pretending I was going to my first day of work}

So I know that this is going to be a very touchy post. I don't mean for it to be, but I know that a lot of people are going to have their own opinions about what I am about to say.
Today I want to talk about choosing to be a stay at home mom.
I used to have a job in corporate America, working for a huge defense contracting company. I had an awesome position and was making a great salary: $50K+. I don't tell you that to brag, but rather to help you completely understand where I am coming from and what has been going on in my heart. Contrary to the picture on the left, I was not in the US Army...I let Ryan handle that line of work.
Today my friend Samantha wrote a post about wanting a career. In it, she did a really good job of explaining why a lot of military wives cannot maintain a career alongside their husband's jobs. If you want to see that reasoning, please go read her post. I gave up my job when Ryan and I got married because we moved a week later to Arizona. I talked to my company about maintaining employment, but after looking at every possible angle, there was no way it was going to happen. I lived 2 hours from the nearest supplier and Ryan would not support me driving 4 hours a day and then working 8 hours on top of that.

{My first day of work in Nashville}

It was a hard adjustment going from having my own job to being a stay at home wife. The first few months I would list out everything I had done that day to Ryan once he got home from work. I felt like I needed to justify what the heck I was doing for 8-10 hours while he was away. I always thought I would work until I had children, and then I prayed that God would bless my family financially so that I could stay home with my kids, like my mom and Ryan's mom did. In the months since then I have fully embraced the importance of me staying home. When you have a career, you sometimes envy women who don't have to work. You picture that if you changed spots you would bask by the pool in the sun, leisurely grocery shop and meet girlfriends for lunch...Ha! Staying home is A LOT of work. I am busy from when Ryan leaves until he comes home. I have really grown to appreciate women who's career is managing their home. I think all you other stay at home wives and mama's can testify to that. What is sad is that over the past year, I have been ridiculed and put down because I don't work anymore. The thing is, this has always come from women who have expressed they wish they could stay home, or want to stay home with their future kids. I had to brush aside their rude comments and chalk it up to jealousy, because I know in their cases, they really wish they weren't at a 9 to 5 job.

{Morning coffee}

Yesterday I stumbled on this post. It talks about the cost of being a stay at home mom. Ever since I read it, it has been weighing heavily on my heart. We live in a culture that really isn't supportive of stay at home moms. I find this to be true even in the church. People's mentalities are: it would be far better for us to be pulling in two incomes to fully "support" our children, than to live on one and have the wife (or father sometimes) stay at home. I really encourage you to go read that post because I agree with everything written in it 110%. Some of you will really take offense to that, and I'm sorry.
I realize there are extreme cases where both parents have to work in order to provide BASIC needs like food and shelter for their children, however, this is not the case with the majority of American families. Usually, both parents love their careers and want to keep them. Sometimes, they think that they really have to work in order to provide everything their children "need". Here is where the problem lies. Kids do not "need" an iPhone, a XBox 360, clothes from Baby Gap, a new Lexus (that you happen to drive), going out for Happy Meals 3 times a week, going to Cancun with their friends on spring break, etc...What they truly NEED is food, shelter, clothes and love from their families.

{Don't get me wrong, I miss happy hours after work sometimes}

I can attest that this is true, that most families could find a way to live on one income, and that it is doable. I see thousands of military families do it every day. And I see hundreds of bloggers doing it as well. This community has a ton of stay at home moms...::hi mommy bloggers!:: Ryan and I took FPU and over the last few months have gotten rid of almost all of our debt (about $30K when we started). We have a good savings and retirement account now as well. We did all of that by figuring out how to be smart with our money and also on HALF of the income we were used to. Sometimes we sit and say "Wow, we would have so much money now if I still worked." but the thing is, we live very comfortably and God has completely provided for us even without me having my corporate career. I just talked to a couple of my working friends who are moms. They informed me that sending their child to daycare takes up over half of their salaries each year. On top of that, they really only have weekends with their kids. They are sad about this, and constantly re-think the decisions they are making. So really, they are only bringing in 1/4-1/2 of their income, since the majority goes to childcare...and missing out on large chunks of their kid's lives. Most of them missed their baby's first steps and other milestones because these happened while they were at work.
Please, please understand that I know that some people have no option when it comes to this. What I am trying to say is that there are families out there who do...and I think that Ryan and I are a great example that you can live off of one partner's salary. Was it easy at first to adjust our budget? No. I was used to going shopping every single week and eating out a lot. But after we sat down and re-evaluated what a "necessity" really was, we were able to see that we weren't being very responsible with our money. We even sold Ryan's limited edition BMW that he got after he came back from Afghanistan. It wasn't practical and we still owed over $20K on it. We traded it in for a family-friendly SUV.
I encourage you women who either know you want to stay at home with your kids, or wish there was some possible way to make it work...would do so. At the end of my life, I don't want to have regrets. I unfortunately have had a lot of close family and friends lose children before they were 16. I don't say that to sound morbid, but it has really taught me how valuable time is. When my children are grown and out of my house, I want them to remember me sitting with them and finger painting pictures. I want them to have pictures of me taking them on their school field trips. Those are things that will last...not if they got an XBox 360 the day it was released or had a brand new car to drive to school on their 16th birthday. I believe that so many women want this too - and you can have it! It just takes work and re-aligning a lot of the thoughts and things that are put into our head by living in the current culture. There is a BIG difference between "needs" and "nice-to-haves".
And to all you women who stay at home or have made sacrifices to give your children that gift, I commend you! You are the reason that Ryan and I work so hard to hopefully be able to give each one of our children that same, amazing gift (:

"I've left the sunshine, sand, and small town, in exchange for rainy days, royalty, and romance."
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