1) Don’t
be scared to apply if you haven’t been to any management
institution. If you are old enough and know how to scroll through a PowerPoint
slideshow, you are ok. Oh, memorizing few terminologies used to make a basic spread
sheet (MS Excel) would be preferable.
2) Once
on the job, stop working, start delegating. You have the liberty to present the
techies with the vaguest/stupidest idea you googled and ask them to make
castles out of it
3) While
the techies are at it, you are entitled for a leisurely break. But god forbid
anyone whom you catch sneaking a break
4)After
returning from the break, send an email asking for the status and keep sending
them once in every half hour or between breaks (whichever is sooner)
5) Meanwhile,
call some of the trainees, who were spared from the wrath of your ideas, and
give them the task of making you a report that you have to present to your
boss. Here the MS Excel terminologies that you memorized before applying to
your position will come in handy to intimidate the poor engineering graduates
6) At
the end of the day take credit for these works
7) But
always blame others if anything goes wrong
8) Call
meetings and say mumbo jumbos that make no sense to anyone. Chances are the more jargon you use, the bigger promotions you get
9) Don’t
feel threatened by the technical architects who know their work better than you
do. You are their manager after all. Develop a sadist attitude around them. It
always helps. Considering them as humans is the biggest mistake you can ever
make
10) Become used to the privileges. You are
the manager. Your subordinates must show you respect everywhere. Even outside the
office when you are not their managers
If you think you have it in you, then hurry up and grab the opportunity of a lifetime to make a living out of bullying others and yet be considered as white collared! Love,
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Riot of Random
