I can't believe how fast you're growing, I can't believe that you're in full-time school. It doesn't feel like two minutes ago since you were placed in my arms. I can still remember you attempting your first smiles at me when you were a few months old - you were swinging away in your little musical Fisher Price swing chair and cooing away at me. And I can still remember propping you up with pillows on the sofa and then hiding behind another pillow and popping out and playing peek a boo with you. I loved listening to your giggle so much. I still do.
You're only four, yet sometimes I feel like you seem older. I don't think that's only because you have a little brother, I think it's because of all of these new words and phrases that you've learnt and now come out with. And I also think it's because you get so tired with your new full-time school routine and in getting so tired you get quite grumpy and sometimes this attitude that we see from you, though it stems from tiredness, it makes you seem older.
It's difficult to see you struggling with your tiredness - it's difficult to see the side of you that is tired and burnt out. The side that sometimes doesn't want to talk, or gets worked-up about everything. The side that ignores us and can sometimes be really rude. But as difficult as it is, I do know that it's probably very normal.
We never get a single bad report from school, because you try so hard and you're a lovely boy. You're a sweet, kind, caring and clever boy. You're creative and friendly and love learning new things. It's just that being so little, you only have so much energy don't you? So sometimes school gets your best side and of course we see you at your most tired. But I get that.
By giving your best at school, you're doing the right thing. I really am so glad that you are such a good boy for your teachers and with your friends in your class. I guess it's just that on a personal, somewhat selfish level as your Mummy, I wish that during the little time that I get to see your after school during the week, I'd get to see more of my happy, chatty Ethan. The one who loves to cuddle and laugh and talk non-stop. But it's not your fault and I'd be naive if I thought that we were the only ones going through this. Because oh what a change it is for little people like yourself to jump into a full-time school routine where your head is being filled with lots of new information daily as you learn about lots of brand new things.
I expected this after seeing how tired nursery alone was making you last year and I thought I'd prepared myself for it as you started full-time hours in reception. But the truth is, I don't think that you can ever really be prepared for all the twists and turns of parenting, most of us are just winging it and doing our best - I know I'm trying mine and so is your Daddy. I'd be lying if I said I didn't miss the days before school - I miss our freedom to do what we wanted, when we wanted and I miss having you around as much. But I mostly miss my little boy who towards the end of the school week seems to gets replaced by Mr.Grumpy. ;)
But we'll get through it together, won't we? After all there's nothing that a nice big cuddle can't fix. I love you so much little man and I'm forever proud of you.
Lots of love always, from Mummy. xxxxx
