I'd been having heart palpitations since Sunday, which I'd sort of been ignoring. Then on Wednesday those palpitations turned into a horrible chest pain that when ever I spoke or coughed I;d get breathless and a bruised sort of pain in my chest.
As the time the pain just stressed me out further, as I worried that perhaps I'd done something serious to myself by getting myself into such a state. I phoned to talk to a medical professional who advised me to go straight to A&E just to be checked. And feeling rather embarrassed but worried and stressed by the pain all the same, off I went.
As I predicted (and thankfully) my heart is fine. The Doctor advised me that she believes my pain and palpitations are due to anxiety (of which I often struggle with) and stress (of which has definitely been around a lot lately).
And this is sort of what I expected. I'm less stressed to know that medically all is well. But annoyed that I've left myself get into such a stressed state that my body, specifically my heart is suffering.
Obviously, the best cure for stress is to relax.. But if you're a parent and you're reading this then you'll know that that just isn't always possible.
I have 2 jobs (3 if you count being a Mum and 4 if you count how much I help my Husband out with his other job), a toddler, a Husband, a house (including housework), 4 cats (that let me tell you.. are being absolute buggers lately! - yes, it's true cats can be oh so very hard work when they want to be!) and lots of other things going on. But that is just life. Family life is like that. It's only going to get busier, not quieter, not more relaxed. I even want another child, so when he or she decides to come along it's definitely not getting any more relaxed!
So I've been having a think.. how can I stop myself and my body getting beyond stressed out to the point where I am sitting for four hours by myself in a hospital, bored out of my brain, waiting to be told that I somehow need to relax..
And the answer is quite simply.. by brushing myself down, taking a deep breath and re-adjusting my mind set. I mean, if the cat wants to smash an ornament, that's fine - shouting about it isn't going to get it fixed. If the cat wants to poo behind the TV cabinet where I can't reach, all over the wires so that the electricity goes out for a a few hours - that's fine - I can't turn back time and somehow predict where she's going to poop. I can only try and teach her not to do it behind the bloody TV or in the house at all (in a perhaps calmer manner). If Ethan throws his lunch on the floor, that's fine - it's his loss and nobody can say I didn't provide him a meal.. The list really does go on...
But basically, I need to learn to let it go, quicker. I need to stop letting things that I can't now change bother me so much. I need to calm down.
And I will.
Because if I don't, I will drive myself and my Husband mad. I won't be the Mum to Ethan that I want to be. Or the wife I want to be. Or the type of person as a whole that I want to be either.
Family life is stressful, yes. But I've learnt that what really matters is the way in which you approach that mostly unavoidable stress!
And to cheer me up even further here's a very blurry picture I took a while back of Ethan and I. This is one of the many many out take photos that I took whilst trying to get my blog bio picture. It just goes to show that the 'perfect' picture takes several slightly nutty attempts.. ;)
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