By watching these people I find strength to carry on when there are no reasons to do so and when there are no signs of anything changing, they inspire me to keep evolving not just into a better person but in the best person a mankind can ever know. I wish good qualities would be passed onto our kids and by the time they reach their tenth generation they'd have no flaws or whatsoever. The evolution of the mankind would be complete and all that would be left would be to sit back and enjoy the ride. I still have faith for that to happen even if I won't see that light of that day.
How do we find the balance between the bad things that keep happening to us and the good things that occur so rarely?
I just can't get beyond the questions and I keep cutting myself with millions of could-have-beens. Not my words, don't wanna take credit for them but you'll read them in Imogen Heap's song called "Wait It Out", a song I'm simply madly in love with, it is not possible for it to define my life more. Through that song Imogen is voicing the pain of the unknown of millions of people around the globe and it's intense and beautiful and painful, all at the same time. She took a piece of my heart with no meaning to ever return it and for that I couldn't love her more, it's simply not possible because my love for her music reached the highest limits long time ago.
These are the people who's examples are beyond worth being followed, this is the kind of people I wanna meet more. A smile, a good word, a kind act, a song are among the many things they can give you to make your life easier and worth living it to your full potential. When you have the means to do good things to total strangers seize those opportunities and take no credit for it, just wish for those acts of kindness to be multiplied and reach millions of people around the globe and only for that silently take just a small piece of credit but which will make you feel better, it will make you feel complete, I know that it does, I tried it.
Being an angel is very easy, getting to become one is a bit harder but with the right motivation you can become one in no time, all you have to do is to know what an act of selfless kindness is and spread it all around, follow the good examples and never fell a victim to the bad ones, but even those can often serve as inspiration to never do them and learn from the mistakes made by others and not by you.I was once asked, how could I know how to love when I was not loved as any child needed to be loved? It doesn't always apply and being empathetic proves it. Sometimes, if you're lucky, you'll get to see it in others, a love directed towards you and if it's the right kind you'll feel it within your core. Wouldn't you want to spread around so others would feel what you felt?
I am lucky to know such people, personally or not, around me or not, who know me or who don't, in different corners of the earth they manage to spread light on my journey towards the things I wish to happen and towards the people I wanna meet, they're simply angels who will never fall, more than that, they will find other angels and send them to you when you need the most, they will touch your soul like no one did before and maybe they'll find the angel withing you. I wanna be one and I'm sure I'm on my way to becoming one, having trouble reaching masses of people, big or small, but I still have a small shred of faith that that is going to change, the beauty around me keeps me believing in that, even if the many nightmares I have are trying to prove the opposite. Right now I'm enjoying my rare moments when I believe that tomorrow is going to be the day when someone is going to reach out and ask me "Would you be my angel? Would you go around the globe and spread the kindness of your heart?". I know I am a good person and I deserve more than this, it will seem that I'm making excuse and maybe I am, but a lot has happened to me and before I learned how to live my life I forgot how to do that first. Someone dear to me said that before I could inspire others I need to be inspired first and for that I need change. Unfortunately, change is one of the many things I'm powerless to make on my own, I need help. Everyone needs help sometimes, why wouldn't I be entitled of it too?
If I had the chance to be somewhere else I'd choose to be in America, it's been like forever since I've wanted to live there, specifically on the West Coast, in the city of angels, making my dream of becoming an actor for the small screen true. The best part of it would be making an impact on millions of people by telling them all these good things that can happen to them. The thing about me is when I wish for something I think of how it would impact others as I simply can't imagine living just for myself, I know for sure that I'm anything but selfish, that's one negative quality I simply despise. I'd like to found a charity in the name of someone great and inspiring and fight for a better quality of life for millions of people around the globe, make in impact and make sharing and giving a part of the daily routine of everyone on earth, of course that's too big of a challenge but I'd be happy to settle for a several millions of people to say the least, ambitious you'd say but not impossible, after all I wouldn't be alone, I'd probably gather the most amazing team who I'd call simply "angels". I wanna change lives so they could live their lives as they want: better, brighter, happier. But I can't feel anything but powerless and it's killing me that I can't do what I intend to do, after all making others happy would make me happy, I've always liked this kind of selfishness.
I guess I'll stop rambling right about .... now.
Before saying my ending phrase I wanna ask you. What does a person have to do to deserve your help?
Also, in these times of despair and when nothing seems to change what would your advice be to me? How would you help me change my life?
Be kind to one another and maybe you'll get to change a life.