Last week and the week before I found myself feeling so awesome, so amazing, and dare I say normal that I was just about ready to declare myself as miraculously cured. I mean I really felt that good. I think without a doubt that I was in one of the mysterious remission states that so many fibro sufferers experience. For two weeks I was back to running and working out everyday, no fatigue could be felt, and my pain was at a cool level of zero. I mean I’ve had more good days than bad since returning to NY from Nashville, but every single I day deal with fibro to some degree. Well not during these past two weeks. It was as if my fibro was gone. Literally vanished without a trace. I even had an inspiring post ready to go live where I talked about finally being back to basics and back to the state I was in before I fell last fall.
But then it hit me. I was letting this illness play mind tricks on me again. I’ve been down this road before. You know the world where we let our minds and psyche take over our better judgment. Where we feel good on any given day and we begin to make these big scale plans and declarations like fibro is gone forever. But then the next day all the symptoms of pain, fatigue, fog, and ache come rushing back and hit us with such forth that we spiral into a depression. Long ago I had told myself that I would stop doing that to myself. I learned to take each day as it comes. to live in each moment. Take the good days with the bad and no matter how good I may feel on any given day or moment that I will always suffer from fibro. The constant mental anguish that comes from being over zealous when I feel good to come crashing down when all the symptoms returned is too much to bear and I forced myself to stop. I even wrote a poem about this deception.
So, for the life of me I can’t understand why last week I had fallen into the deadly trap. I found my focus however. I canceled the glorious post I was going to share. I settled down and just enjoyed the euphoric wave. Of course this week; Sunday to be exact the wicked witch of fibro came back stronger than ever and just like that everything in my world was back to normal. The ache is back. I am in a medium level flare that has peaked today and I am completely bed bound. Now that is more like it. Back to reality for me. But I would be lying if those moments of bliss last week and the week before were not beautiful and amazing. I am a person living with fibro. I’ve accepted that this will not change. Instead of wasting energy searching for a cure I’ve learned to live the best life I can, focus on what I can do and do it when I can and when I can’t I don’t. Living in this way is the only way to not drive myself mad. This is how I #staytriumphant. I hope you do the same.
