I pulled my quad on Monday.
I've spent the last two days limping on occasion, taking pain killers every so often, moving the wrong way and wincing, icing until my leg feels numb, sleeping with a pillow under my leg for elevation, and keeping my right thigh compression wrapped.
It's been frustrating to deal with this injury, to say the least. And it's not even a good story!
I don't like being injured. I don't like being hurt or sick. I don't like it when my body says, "Hey, you! Slow down!" by giving me a twisted ankle, fever, or any other body part that requires rest.
Now let's back up for a second.
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Last Monday (as in nine days ago, not two days ago), I started the Jillian Michaels 30 Day Shred.
I've been overweight for a while. A little over five years, to be exact. You wouldn't necessarily think it to look at me. In fact, when I mention that I want/need to lose weight, most people balk and say, "What? Are you serious? Why do you need to lose weight?"
It's not that I'm obese or I hate how I look or I cringe every time I step on the scale. I'm in much better shape than a lot people. I can run/walk a 5k in just over 45 minutes (currently working on bringing that time down), I hover less than an inch above the floor when I do the splits on my right side, I can kick people nearly a foot taller than me in the face because that's how high my legs go, I can dance non-stop to a 3 1/2 minute song without gasping for air at the end, and I can hike 12 miles with a 30-pound pack on my back without wanting to keel over and die.
And this post isn't about how I do or don't need to lose weight, but this back story and explanation is necessary. I promise.
You see, I've been hovering around the same weight, give or take 7ish pounds since December 2007. It's about 25 pounds from where I want to be. Over the years I've made various attempts to lose the weight, exercise more, and eat healthier. I usually drop around 10ish pounds, then things get busy, I get lazy, and I pop right back up to where I was before. It's the same cycle every time. I'm tired of the yo-yoing. I decided this year was going to be the year I finally legitimately lose the weight and don't ever see it come back again.
I've been looking at various diet and exercise options for a while and eventually settled on the Jillian Michael's 30 Day Shred. It looked like a good option because the workouts are tough but fast, so I could get it done before work without having to get up too early. Oh, and she also claims you can lose up to 20 pounds in 30 days.
Wait...what? I could lose 20 of the 25 pounds I want to lose in just 30 days!? Sign me up!
So I read a lot of reviews and eventually decided to purchase it and last Monday, I started it. I was crazy sore for the first couple of days, but by day 5, my endurance was up and I was feeling a lot better. Things seemed to be doing well and I was excited for my workout and weigh-in on Monday.
My alarm went off at 5:00am (gross, I know). I hopped out of bed and by 5:20 was starting the warm-up. Halfway through the second circuit, I began my lunges and felt something in my right leg twinge. I ignored it, thinking I'd be fine. It was no big deal. Push through the pain, all that jazz. I finished the lunges and the rest of the workout, did the cool down, hopped in the shower, and by 7:30am was walking into the office. But as the day wore on, I noticed a pain in my right leg that wouldn't go away. And it wasn't the usual "I worked out hard so I'm crazy sore" kind of pain. It was concentrated, only in this one spot on my leg, and it hurt a lot.
A trip to the gym in the building and a short conversation with the trainer later, it was confirmed: I had pulled a muscle in my quad and I couldn't work out for a couple of days.
I balked and sulked a little bit and bemoaned how this was going to throw me off my routine, how I was going to fall off the bandwagon, and how I wasn't going to lose 20 pounds in 30 days now.
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I know it's healthy to only lose about one pound a week. There's lots of research that shows losing weight gradually like that is the best way to lose weight and keep it off. But that would mean I wouldn't lose the weight until October! I don't want to wait that long. So I do crazy things like jumping gung-ho into healthy and active lifestyle where I cut out lots of sugar, work out six+ days a week (even twice in one day...JMichael's and running 3.55 miles) all at one time. And then things like this happen. I pull my quad and I'm forced to stop.
I'm a pretty impatient person. Some of this could be attributed to the way our society is with instant gratification everywhere in the form of microwaves and fast food and speedy check out lines, but I think part of it is just who I am and how my personality functions. I'm always on the go and I it when things get done quickly. It's something I've been continually working on over the years (since, you know, patience is supposed to be a fruit of the Spirit), and it's gotten better, but I still prefer for things to happen sooner rather than later. Because of this, I tend to be an all or nothing kind of person. I'd rather just get something done and get on with the rest of life. I don't like it when things take a long time.
But more and more recently, I've been learning that so much of life is about balance and some of the best things in life take time. My desire to lead a healthier lifestyle, to eat healthy and exercise and take care of my body is good. My desire to see change happen in my life, for new experiences to come, for things to get better is good. My desire to grow in my relationship with God, to see my sanctification continue to happen, for my heart to change is good. But my impatience isn't healthy. My impatience leads to a distorted view of things and almost always results in pain and burnout.
I was reminded of that when I pulled my quad earlier this week. It's good to make lifestyle changes that will make me healthier, but I need to have patience. I need to remember that becoming healthy is a gradual process, and it requires a balance between focusing on a goal and not pushing myself so far that I end up getting hurt. When I injured myself on Monday, it was my eighth straight day working out.
I think life in general is like this. We all (hopefully) want to make changes for the better. We want growth to happen. We want to become better people, better friends, better family, better coworkers, better followers of God. And so we jump headfirst into doing something ALL THE TIME and end up burnt out, defeated, and frustrated.
In our desire to effect positive changes in our lives, we often push ourselves too much. We push ourselves to a point that's unhealthy, causing an injury — be it physical, mental, spiritual, or emotional — that can be hard to recover from.
An injury takes time to heal and a change takes time to happen. They say "Rome wasn't built in a day," and it's true. It will take time for you to wake up without hitting the snooze button. It will take time for you to choose an apple instead of a candy bar. It will take time for you to stop eating because you're bored. It will take time for you to turn off the TV to get the sleep you need. It will take time for you to stop snapping at people when you get frustrated. It will take time for you to be constantly aware of the Savior, connecting with Him throughout the day. It will take time for you to feel dry if you don't read your Bible each day. All of these things take time.
The key is finding a balance between consistently striving toward your goals — whatever they may be — and not pushing so far so fast that you set yourself back because you get hurt. I haven't quite figured out how to do that yet, obviously, as my compression wrapped leg reminds me, but I'm trying.
I'm trying to find the balance. Hopefully one day I will. Until then, I'll keep striving, keep pushing, and occasionally falling and getting hurt. But I'll keep getting back up and maybe, just maybe, one day I'll figure out this balancing act.
What are you striving for in your life? Are you pushing yourself so hard that you're set back by an injury? How do you find balance between working toward your goal without letting your focus become unhealthy or unrealistic?
----------Photo credit: Tim Clayton Photography. Used with permission. All rights reserved.
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