Balancing the compliment criticism ratio is critical in life in all our relationships and with specific reference to parenting.
As someone who grew up in a joint family, I always wondered what it would be like to have been a “normal” family with one Mother, one Father and one me. As my father chose to leave a couple of months before I was born and went to settle in the US, never to return (to us) I did not find out.
When I was old enough to be aware, and some inner turmoil later, I decided joint families are best. I chose to be happy with what I had. And what a family! In spite of all the ups and downs, the overall feeling when I think of my family is happiness. I can’t help smiling and as I continue to recall incidents, it is downright laughter. So many joyous moments. So much love! I was lucky to have four doting uncles, an aunt, a grandma and a Mom around me as I grew up.
If I were to pinpoint one thing about our family – it would be the tendency for good feelings. Oh yes, we are human and freak out like everyone else…but you know what they say – blood is thicker than water – and it is the truth as far as our family is concerned.
Strong families are fueled by these good feelings and positive emotions. Not saying we don’t resort to emotional blackmail or criticism at times, we do; but it is all very good-natured. No matter what, we can’t see each other unhappy.
One thing that has always stood out for me with my folks is the generosity with food and compliments. Nobody leaves our house without sharing a meal. And if someone accomplishes something, however minor, the shower of compliments is guaranteed. More so if they are children.
“A compliment is verbal sunshine” – Robert Orben
A foundation like that is pretty hard to shake and my Mom always reminded us to make sure that a mean comment or criticism is enveloped in at least three compliments. That sounds like good Math to me!
So my second post at Parentous this month is about how to
balance the compliment criticism ratio
Here is an excerpt:
I grew up in a joint family where love was abundant (even if the money wasn’t) . I always feel wonderful recalling that no matter what, children were never yelled at. That takes some superhuman-ness – but that’s how it was.
Ours was a matriarchal family, with my Grandmother as the head and what she said was usually never up for argument. Not that anyone wanted to, but she always gave logical and great advice and everyone was happy. She always emphasized on going easy on the criticism. Instead, we were encouraged to encourage others for the same.
In today’s hectic lifestyle where everyone is rushing everywhere, how easy is it to stay cool? How to maintain that compliment-criticism balance? Here are things that have worked for me – and it helped because I grew up in an environment where everyone practiced it.
Continue reading this post here at Parentous: Maintaining the compliment criticism balance
Do read and let me know your views.
A gift for you:
Here’s a gift from my friend Victor Schueller – Professor of Positivity and Possibility
Download the Kindle version of Victor’s book, “Mediocre No More” for FREE on March 27 and March 28. Share it with your friends! Click the book to go download on Amazon! Please do post a review there after you read the book! Thanks!
Question for you:
Do you believe in balancing the compliment criticism ratio?
What do you recommend?
