I cannot even imagine. I cannot even fathom the excruciating and all
consuming pain that he experienced. As the holiday season comes, I begin
to think and prepare my heart for the birth of Christ. The birth of
Christ is of course, one of my favorite Bible stories. This time reminds me of how much pain his mother must have gone through. Having a sister give birth this year gives me greater understanding for what it must have been like for Mary to give birth on her own. No drugs, no doctors, no monitored breathing techniques. It was literally Mary, Joseph, and the Father bringing this special being into the world. I mean, hello, no epidural, are you kidding me? Not even the option! I would like to imagine that Joseph did her a bro and knocked her out or something... But back to the story.
I have endured pain in my life. As a pastor's daughter I think I have experienced a unique pain that only few others understand. My father has been in ministry for years. He has suffered rejection, betrayal, and doubt. I, being his daughter, experienced the same. I wouldn't say that I have completely denounced my belief in Christ, or even the body of Christ, but I do find myself hardened to it. Out of all of the places in the world, the last place you'd think to experience these things would be in the church. I agree. Yet, humans are simply that. Human. I also think in this time that its important to evaluate my heart and let go of the grudges and the hurt. I mean, how can you experience true joy if you are bogged down with regret, anger, and bitterness? There are a couple people I'd love to see again. I would love to tell them that despite their stupidity and their foolish ways, my dad forgave them. I on the other hand, am having a harder time, let's take this outside fool. But I can't and I won't. I think in some ways this being a part of my story allows me to better connect with those who do not or choose not to believe in Christ. Let me tell you something, I have been there-done that! For a while I would say I gave up completely. That was a dark time for me. After experiencing that, how could I ever doubt again?
Moving has brought some new challenges. While I would love to find a home church and be able to get involved, I also want to do ministry of my own. I want to do ministry because I love it, not because I fit into a specific group or have a specific "calling". I think if more churches allowed people to do ministry they love, rather than what they qualify for, more people would want to be involved. Just a thought...
I hope your story one day impacts others in a positive way. I hope this blog can in some way, do the same.
