"Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn." (Romans 12:15)
"Blessed are they that mourn: for they shall be comforted." (Matthew 5:4)
My wife recently lost a close friend of 23 years. Nancy was like a sister to my wife and she has been devastated by the loss as much as our children have. My wife has been doing Temple work and celebrating Nancy's memory by telling fun and goofy stories of her these last few days. She is doing better than she was but I have never seen Shandra this upset about anything, ever.
I had to be the one to tell her and I found out the hard way my wife is the type to shoot the messenger, which I do understand considering the bad news I came bearing.
I met Shandra after work and she immediately asked "What's wrong?" She could see I had been crying, so she asked if it was my Grandpa or my Dad due to their poor health it was the logical first question, and I said no, I told her which friends had called and she asked if Nancy......and with tears streaming I said yes.
When it was time to tell our girls we called our oldest in college out of state and made sure they were all listening, then Shandra told them and we all hugged each other and cried. I had such a splitting head ache from crying it felt like some one had a hammer and chisel they were pounding through each eye socket as well as through the center of my forehead. But the next morning I couldn't recall the last time I had slept that deeply, I was loopy when I woke up.
These last few days have been among the most difficult we have had together, but we have all mourned together and I was honestly as sad for Shandra as I was for Nancy, and our girls.
But for me there is comfort in knowing what the afterlife is like given I, for a moment, was there myself. But understandably this is trite and of little consolation to Shandra at the moment though in time it will be of great comfort.
I asked a friend from church to come and help me give Shandra a blessing of comfort the night after she found out. In the blessing I blessed her that she would have the strength to let go and give the Lord her burdens and that she would atune herself to the Spirit and listen to the Lord speaking to her whether by signs or by dreams to comfort and guide her.
That night when she slept she dreamt of Nancy and Nancy's Father and a friend who passed in high school named Nephi.
She was able to say her good bye's to Nancy and Nancy was able to comfort Shandra and so were her other friends who had passed on. And I was glad to have reminded her in a blessing to listen and be open to these sings and dreams.
Nancy had been at our wedding and said Shandra looked happier than she did during her first wedding and that it had seemed forced, she knew Shandra was uneasy about it and didn't enjoy much of any part of that experience.
And then Nancy said that Shandra was happier with me than she had ever seen her and that she could tell Shandra was glad to be marrying me and that she was so happy she was absolutely glowing on our wedding day. And it meant a lot to me because of how well Nancy knew Shandra, and for how long she had known her.
It meant even more to Shandra that Nancy was there to celebrate and rejoice with us on the day when we were joined together. That Nancy was there to enjoy the day with us and the happiness of her dearest friend and the companionship of our families who had come from far and wide to join us as well.
Nancy was the favorite friend it seemed of all our girls. When Nancy showed up she got a group hug from all 4 of them. After they all shouted "Nancy!" they all swarmed her for a hug and cleared a place for her to sit and asked if she wanted anything to eat or drink. Nancy seemed to always make them feel welcome so they did the same.
I didn't know Nancy well or for long but I am glad to have had some time with her because she was so outspoken and feisty I got a real kick out of time with her. And from what I've heard Shandra was the quiet one between the two of them but I am thankful for Nancy's influence on Shandra because I think it made her more independent and a much stronger woman to have such a lioness as a pseudo-sister. Shandra and our girls are all the better for having had Nancy in their lives.
I am thankful for Nancy. But I am also thankful for Shandra and the girls. We have had fights, we have made up. We have gone on road trips and vacations. We have celebrated, we have rejoiced greatly and mourned deeply. We have become a family. For as messy as that always implies.
And I am glad that Nancy was a part of it and will now be able to watch over and guide us. She may have passed on but she is still very much with us.