I want to do something great with my blog. The only problem is that I don’t know what that is specifically. I participated in a Twitter chat the other night with SheNow.org, and it got me thinking. I really want to connect with people. Not in the way that overloads me and makes me feel like I’m too weighed down by “stuff” just for the sake of having stuff to do to make me feel important, but honest-to-goodness, heartfelt networking and relationship building. I want my blog to be something awesome for people to go to when they need some coffee time or empowerment or just want to read something with exceptional content. I want to have important things to say about life; I want to share those important things with people. I know that blogging seems silly to people who aren’t already involved with it, and I once heard it described as “graffiti with punctuation” in the movie Contagion, but I really think that blogging has a substantial place in literature. It all depends on how you use it.
I’ve considered buying the 31 Days to Building a Better Blog download to help me restructure my blog. When I first started this one with WordPress, I wanted to be serious and moving because I was trying to convince people I was a writer worth paying attention to. But now I have the idea that my blogging life might need to be distanced from my writing life. Maybe not entirely separate, but not the sole focus of my blog, either. Now that I’m out of college and have been thrust into the real world, I’m thinking that my blog should focus on the different stages of being a female, not necessarily feminist (because I’m not much of one), and honing in on life for young women who are just now entering adulthood. I want this to be a personal blog. However, not a place where I merely share pictures and updates on what’s going on with my life.
Mostly I’m just concerned with being myself. I have the feeling that I may come across as a little ridiculous to some people. I can be high strung and stressed out and worrisome and obsessive, and I really don’t want to be or like being those things. I had this thought the other day when I was thinking about my Tin Roof Kyle post that there’s really no sense in me trying to be so off-limits with certain things that happen in my life. Obviously I understand that there are delicate and personal goings-on in people’s lives that should be kept private and respected. I guess you have to see it from my viewpoint, where I’m afraid to talk about a lot of things that aren’t a big deal, things that humanize me and make me more relatable to people. It’s those things that can call for judgment or understanding, and I think not knowing which way people will perceive me scares me away from writing about certain things to begin with. I want to work on being more open with you.
I think mainly what I want this blog to be about is self-acceptance. That’s why I renamed it to begin with. The Ever After of Lauren Ever After was a way for me to feel at home in my body – you know, being it’s the only one I have and all – and I would like to share my experiences to help others feel more at home in themselves as well. It sounds cheesy, but I’m in agreement with the idea of “your body is your temple.” And the physical part of us isn’t even the most concrete aspect of who we are. Our soul is what makes us human more than flesh and bones, but being that it resides in this human shell we have we owe it respect. I don’t want to make this a political thing, I just think it’s necessary for us as human beings to consider ourselves as exactly that: human beings. There’s a science and a spirit to us, and I don’t think one is more important than the other. They’re both equal, they both make up who we are, we have a responsibility to each.
So, as cheesy as this sounds, too, I also think the phrase “home is where the heart is” holds substantial weight, as well, and if we can feel wholly comfortable with being who we were, then home can be where our physical hearts are – inside of us. And maybe this is coming from watching too much Harry Potter, but I think one of the significances of that series is Harry having a foundation in knowing who he is, and that carries him through all of his losses and triumphs. For me, I have a foundation in knowing I’m a child of God, and no matter what happens that’s not going to change, even if I try to fight it. Maybe it’s different for you. Maybe you don’t believe in God. Maybe you have something else that carries you. But the thing to remember is that we weren’t created to be invincible. Satan fell, Voldemort died. Even in our strengths we have the unfailing weakness of being human, and I believe that weakness was meant to put us all on equal footing. Some people are wizards, some people are muggles, some people are Narnians, but what we all are is human.
I know this is deep, but it’s something I’ve been thinking on for a while and I just had to write it all down to get my thoughts out. I want to use this blog to write, to write about things that are important to me and others. In doing this, I’ve decided I’m going to move to self-hosted WordPress. I already bought a blog design that will at least get this place looking more put together until I can afford a more serious redesign, it just takes getting my blog transferred now so I can use it. My cousin always said she was glad that she started her blog four years ago, even though it didn’t lead anywhere, “because now you’re really into it, and I think that’s cool.” I’ve made a lot of great friends through social media, one who lives in Florida and who I talk to almost every day through text messaging and emailing several times a month. Even though we’ve never met in person, I consider her one of my closest friends, and I think that is so awesome.
I can’t wait for everything to finally come together, and I hope I create a space for my readers they enjoy visiting on a weekly, even daily, basis. Thanks to those who have stuck it out with me this far, even way back when I was on Blogger. I know I’ve been extremely wishy-washy in the past, but the change in this blog – even though it is yet another change – is meant for me to be more grounded and decisive. I don’t know that I will ever be as surefooted as some people, but my goal is to get myself to a point where I can be comfortable and surefooted in myself, more than I ever have been before.