it wasn’t fair that I met you after him
it was like a cruel prank that taught me the ones you desire the most are often the closest yet farthest away
the second my hazel eyes locked onto those baby blues, I knew my heart would be forever craving a deeper look
why did you have to be his friend, a friend for life too…
and every time we see each other, that spark, that flame hidden in the dark erupts and engulfs everyone around us, shutting them out and just leaving us to linger in the forbidden heat that can never be more
When I met your first, i found her undeserving of you
The second was too calm, too dull for a flame burning brightest in any room at any time
Then I thought if I couldn’t have you, I could at least keep you close, but the short passion that erupted that night ended so quickly that it would never go further.
The night before I said forever to a calm flow of water, you were someone I’ve never met before,
Part of me, such a big part of me wondered if this choice was hurting you in some way, and maybe you could see the mistake I was making and couldn’t handle the truth in sobriety, so chose to get through it with the help of a little a and a snort of c
then you vanished… not heard or seen for such a long time..
Now it’s been 3 years and I haven’t met this one, but part of me hopes she’s right, she’s perfect and then any hope of us one day losing control can be blown out, forgotten as a pile of tinder, smothered with accelerant but never lit for fear of how much it would engulf and the damage it would cause.
and it’s not that i don’t love the man i married, i do,
everything is fine, calm, cool, collected working just as it should be..
it’s the ever current flow, you know what to expect, when to expect it and it seems cruel to interrupt that cautious ebb and flow of a life that just is,
he’s my opposite, the calm to my chaos
yet you would be chaos with me
and its a chaos I crave when everything else is just calm, just floating on by as the years roll,
It’s the passion and the tension and the fear of losing absolutely everything for just a moment of synchronicity
A single moment of an unforgiveable, irreparable fire storm, chaos unleashed causing complete loss to every relationship we hold dear, to burn too many to ever recover, nothing could ever regrow,
if you were in fact that twin flame and for as long as possible we burned bright until our flames were completely extinguished,
for it doesn’t matter if it ran out, those flames are remembered, they would be enough to keep me warm
