First off, I want to say a huge thank you to everybody who's commented on my last few blog posts or got in touch with me on Twitter or Facebook this week.
I've had so much lovely feedback and messages of support from people, tips and advice, and even just your own experiences and stories and all of it really helps me a lot.
Sometimes I wonder if I'm doing the right thing by being so honest about the negative things on my blog but writing is very much a form of therapy for me and I always feel so much better as soon as I've blogged how I'm feeling...and coming online to your messages only helps further...so to each and everyone of you who took the time to get in touch with me, whether you're a longstanding friend or someone who got in touch with me for the first time, thank you.
I appreciate it very much.
Consultant Appointment
As I mentioned in my last post, I had found out last Monday that my c-section date had been pushed back to the day before my due date and this was making me extremely anxious and unhappy so I had requested an appointment with one of the consultants to complain about this and other factors.
My appointment was last Wednesday, and my mom was visiting at the time so she came along with me.
I'm usually not very good at speaking up for myself and I crumble very easily, but I was feeling very angry at the whole situation and I actually managed to say everything I had on my mind for once...which was a nice change! I told her that I thought it was disgusting that I'd been told all throughout the pregnancy that I'd be given a c section at 39 weeks, only to then be told right at the end that it wouldn't be until my due date...I said I thought it was disgusting that I still hadn't even been officially informed of the date as I had been promised I would be, and only knew of it after calling the hospital myself to chase it up.
Of course, she argued that this was normal and so on.
I then said I thought it was absolutely appalling that nobody has ever asked me why I want a c section in the first place, and that - given that my last c section was done because of anxiety - I thought it was shocking that nobody has asked me anything about this or offered me any kind of referral to a depression and anxiety service which is supposed to be standard procedure.
She then started to fumble a bit, clearly realising that I am actually right and it IS poor practice that nobody has ever thought to ask anything about my anxiety throughout this entire pregnancy.
I also said that I think it's ridiculous that I have been extremely unwell for the past 2 months, that so far nobody has been able to provide any answers as to what is wrong with me (or really tried to find any...) and that despite the fact that I haven't stopped vomiting and having a severely upset stomach for 8 weeks and have missed several midwife appointments due to illness...they still think it's acceptable to leave delivery as late as possible and allow me to just suffer on for as long as they want me to.
Once I'd said all of this, she started to backtrack and was obviously a bit panicked when looking through my notes confirmed that the continuity of care throughout the pregnancy has been lacking, that I've barely seen a midwife in the last few months, and that nobody from the depression & anxiety service has been in touch with me at all despite a midwife requesting it at 8 weeks.
After starting the meeting by saying that she had no power to change c-section dates, she then went out to "check some things" and came back with a new, earlier date....
However, she kept informing me that the date was "provisional" and that if any patient was to have their surgery cancelled that day it would be me....so for that reason I am not holding my breath!
I'm not going to tell anybody other than my parents the date, because I am pretty sure I'll be sent home without delivering on that day and it will upset me if I'm getting messages asking how it went etc....so I'm going to keep it quiet, and while I hope for the best I'm going to go along on that day expecting to be sent back home.
I still have it in my head that my actual delivery will be around my due date of April 8th.
How I'm Feeling
I'm actually feeling a bit better this week.
I think I've just hit a wall where I can't possibly feel any more stressed and anxious, and so that's somehow made it easier to let go and just get on with things!
Physically...I am tired a LOT! It doesn't seem to matter how much sleep I get, I always want more!
I'm finding it very difficult to walk much...the waddle is extreme! We're going to Peppa Pig World on Monday and I am kind of dreading all that walking around!!!
The baby quite often feels very low down too and his movements are still quite painful, which makes me think he might be quite big despite the growth scan saying otherwise.
I hadn't suffered at all with heartburn during this pregnancy like I did last time, but suddenly at the start of the week it really hit me with a vengeance and I am now living on Rennie!
Other than that, I still feel a bit shocked that the pregnancy is so close to being over now...everyone keeps telling me that its flown by, and to me it hasn't at all...it feels like a lifetime ago that I took the pregnancy test...but at the same time, it also doesn't feel like its time for it to nearly be done with either!
Things To Do
There isn't actually much left to do at all....the playmat is here now, our Nuna Leaf is all set up and looking beautiful!
The crib will be set up while I'm in hospital and the car seat will be fitted then too.
I need to make an appointment to get my hair done before the baby comes...I keep forgetting to do that!
This week I bought a few last minute bits like sleepsuits, hats, bibs, bath towels and a changing mat.
I just need a new baby bath (I can't find Tyne's old one!), a microwave steriliser and curtains for the nursery and that's everything done and dusted!
Mine and babies hospital bags are all packed...I just need to get some peppermint capsules for mine, but other than that they're all ready to go.
It's Tyne's 2nd birthday this week, so I need to turn my attention to that...everything is pretty much organised as I wanted to make sure it was all sorted long in advance in case I ended up going into labor early - his party is all organised, his cake is ordered, his presents are here, his outfit is ready...I just need to wrap them and sort out a few decorations.
I finally got around to making the babies name sign for his bedroom too...which is something I'd been meaning to do for ages! It's sitting on his window sill and it really finishes off his bedroom nicely!
Which leads me on to the final thing to talk about....
Name Reveal!
That's all for this week's update, so I'll leave you with next installment in the name reveal!!
Let's narrow it down some more!
Any guesses yet?!
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