I am presenting this adventure post because I am participating in #Quest2015 hosted by Jeffrey Davis at Tracking Wonder. You may still leap in if you would like (and I strongly advise you to do so.)
Today Jeffrey invited Todd Kashdan to help us consider The Upside of Your Dark Side.
A central figure in positive psychology, Todd Kashdanis author of The Upside of Your Dark Side: Why being your whole self - not just your good self - drives success and fulfillment Find him at Twitter here: @toddkashdan
Todd prompted --
Which emotions do you feel most guilty about having? Afraid that others might find out? How could you spend this year trying to be open to the emotional window that allows you to be courageous?
My beloved parents had this rule they lived by when we were children. “Don’t argue in front of the children.”
It was right there alongside “Children don’t belong at funerals” and “Don’t stop what you started. We are not a family of quitters” that were well intentioned yet so detrimental to the development of one’s whole person.
I grew up handicapped in the expression and understanding of the power of anger. I didn't know what grief looked like. I didn't get to know how to say "no" when things didn't fit or feel right or align with me.
To this day, I have to concentrate on not turning and running when I face an angry person or feel anger rising in myself.
In the past few years I have learned I can have a heated argument with a dear friend and guess what? That friend will still love me even though we went head-to-head and toe-to-toe.
I have learned some people default into anger the way I default into withdrawal and/or depression. Both are done unconsciously and if I approach their anger with love to diffuse the fear within, there is so much beautiful grit underneath I have had some deeply transformative discussions once the fear under the anger is set free.
I have learned conscious anger is one of my most powerful allies.
The only time anger is problematic is when it is expressed as a weapon based in fear.
This year I framed my year in the word "Bold" and in doing so, courage was at the forefront of my consciousness much of the time. I made choices I never would have made, mostly surrounding saying no and stopping things I never would have stopped - remember the family rule that said, "We are not quitters"?
One of my heroes is Tank Man, from the Tianeman Square Uprising in Beijing in 1989. There is no doubt in my mind he was angry.
What did he do?
He stood in front of a row of army tanks, holding his groceries, and singlehandedly stopped the flow of military might that was about to plow into students and their peaceful protest in the Square. He used his anger to consciously stand, to take action that still stands in the minds of people like me and won him his anonymous place (known only as Tank Man) as one of the most influential people of the 20th Century.
In 2015 I will use anger consciously to build my life work in an empowering, world shifting way. I will remember Tank Man to take stands for my vision, my people, my whatever-it-happens-to-be.
Who knows what will happen on June 16, 2015 (completely random day) when I wake up and walk out my front door, metaphorical groceries in hand and see the line of tanks heading for a destination they have no business inhabiting.
Conscious Anger and me. Powerful compadres and collaborators. 2015 keeps looking better and better and better.
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Julie Jordan Scott is a writer, creative life coach, speaker, performance poet, Mommy-extraordinaire and mixed-media artist whose Writing Camps and Writing Playgrounds permanently transform people's creative lives. Watch for the announcement of new programs coming Fall and Winter, 2014 and beyond.
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