Slap. Slap. Slap.
Splash water on your face.
Grab a LARGE CUP of COFFEE.
Prepare for the interaction again.
* * *
(Microsoft Word): Girl, where have you been? You haven’t been playin’ with my keys for a while. What? You on holiday?
(Me): Apparently.
(Microsoft Word): You are getting lazy, girlfriend. Why haven’t you been stroking my letters? Writer’s block?
(Me): No…it’s just … I’ve been kinda busy.
(Microsoft Word): Sounds like an excuse to me.
(Me): Well, I recently moved, my kids are on three teams, I’m still unpacking, and I went on vacation all in a span of four weeks. There hasn’t been much time to…
(Microsoft Word): Now, you stop right there. You can always make time to write a page here and there. It’s not like I’m not sitting right here with an open .doc, waiting for you to do your thing. I mean, what’s happening to Francesca, Joe, and Gus? Stop talking about “Baseball Girl” and finish the damn thing.
(Me, pointing to my head): It’s all up here … I just need …
(Microsoft Word): What good is it doing up there? I can’t read it up there. Nor can anyone else. You have got to get serious. You’ve got to make the time. Start doing the things you preach to your students. Stop procrastinating, unpacking and organizing the garage and get busy!
(Me): I know … you’re right …
(Microsoft Word): Of course I am. Don’t “claim” to be a writer if you ain’t writing.
(Me, in a corrective tone): Aren’t writing …
(Microsoft Word): See … you’ve still got it in you. Now get to work.
