These friends still exist but unfortunately, I feel alone some of the time. Maybe it's the fact that I'm married, or have a kid, or live in a completely different state and sometimes, I just feel really alone.
I think we can all relate to this. We used to share commonalities with certain friends; we went to the same schools, we knew the same people, we did the same things on weekends, we looked forward to the same parties, and we complained about the same classes. Things are different now and I think this has been really hard for me to see until now.
I've made relationships in New York that will last a lifetime but unfortunately, the Army has separated us without any idea of when we will meet again. My college roommates live all over the country and have their own jobs, relationships, and lives and if anyone knows how hard it is to keep in touch it's me. The great thing? When we get together, it's like nothing has changed and no time has passed.
But I can't help but feel sad when I realize how much things have changed. It's never too late to make new friends and I know I will continue to do so throughout life but the other day, my mom made a great point. When you get married, your partner is your best friend. Obviously I knew this but when I sat down to really think about it, I didn't realize how powerful of a thing this really is.
I'm always going to have my girlfriends. Time may pass and things may change but we've been through so much together and made memories that will last a lifetime. Z is my husband and it's a whole different playing field now. He's my rock, my inspiration, my soul mate, and the person I'm going to grow old with. Instead of being upset at the fact that I no longer have my best friends near me and on call 24/7, I should consider myself so lucky I have such an amazing husband to share my life with. We have a beautiful son and a beautiful nugget on the way and that is truly such a wonderful thing.
More often than not I catch myself looking at the glass half empty instead of half full and even when I'm aware of this, I let myself get down in the dumps. I don't want to sound ungrateful for the people I do have in my life because I consider myself so lucky to be able to call them my friends. However, it's taken me some time to adjust to the way things are now and I think it's something that is going to take adjusting throughout life. Someone is always going to be too busy, too involved, or too hard to visit and it's one of the roll with the punches kind of thing.
I am so thankful for the friends and memories I've made and I know that no matter how many weeks, months, or years pass, we will always have those special times together. Instead of feeling lonely and sad when I think about how much has changed, I need to look at how lucky I am to have those memories in the first place. I need to look around my present and realize how lucky I am to have such a promising future. I'm so lucky to have found love at such a young age and just as important, to become a mom so early too. These are the things I should be focusing on.
So here's to memories and friends; to cherishing the old, creating the new, and being thankful for having them. Period.
