Dear Gabriel,
Today is Thanksgiving. I took some fabulous photos and had a surprisingly good time. I did not feel like a black sheep, which was a great relief. What I did feel was the 25 pounds I have gained since August.
I don’t gain due to diet. Not really. I don’t gain due to lack of exercise. Not really. I gain what I’m going to call “energy weight,” and it takes something like the 12 Steps to take care of.
My sister deals with the same issue. I read the other day that weight gain is tied to empathy; it’s an inability to cope well with the energy sensitivity being an empath entails. So. Of course, I’ve decided to address this issue in writing.
But, not to you… sorry. You’re not the one who can help me here. I will still keep sharing my life with you, my mind, my ideas, my heart… but on the issue of my weight and what’s causing the scale to read higher every week… well that’s a puzzle for my spirit guides and my higher self. It would be counterproductive to bring my weight issues to you.
I’ve got a feeling that I’m going to be rotating the writing projects I’ve got going. Maybe I’ll keep writing to you every day, but there’s this new spot I’ve carved out in the writing world, one I’ve named Blogging in the Fluff, and it’s where I’m going to go when I need specific guidance.
I’m going to apologize now for talking about you behind your back. It might happen, though probably less than I think it will. Since my weight is tied to my emotions, and since you are in my heart, it follows that I’ll mention you sometime.
But this new project is linked to my running, to my memoir, to my letters to you, to my life. I have been riding the skinny train for several years now. I’m wondering if I’ve slipped off the tracks somewhere down the line? Did I miss something, or am I approaching a new level of consciousness? A graduated awareness?
Well… these are questions to be answered elsewhere. I am a tangle of emotions, and I’m not sure where to go to sort them out.
It would appear that I am changing directions somewhere. I don’t know what this means and it always finds me afraid, mostly because that means I have to once again redefine how you fit into my life. I am always afraid I am going to lose you when I go through big changes. But then, I changed plenty when we were together in person and you stuck by me.
My most secret and greatest fear is that with this new direction, I end up turning away from you. There. I’ve said it. And I am so afraid.
Happy Thanksgiving, Gabriel. Be well.
Yours ever,
Violet
