I’m shredding my insides, again. Laxatives and probiotics at night, support for my friend who just admitted to the same eating disorder program by day. Both can exist, right?
And there is Chase. He illuminates my future — there is a future with him. We talk about it. He wants everything I want, he thinks about the relationship I want. We have honesty, he knows everything.
He knows I cheated on Joseph, he knows I had an abortion, he knows I was arrested for felony theft, he knows about my eating disorder, he knows I’m bad with money, he knows about my head traumas, he knows about the sexual assault.
I only want more of him. More of us. And in the meantime, I’m melting my innards with acid and swords.
Am I ever going to be free of this?
And yet, I couldn’t face life without it.