I have been to a dark, dark place. I have been there so many times before. It doesn’t get any nicer or more welcoming. It is the pits. It is a place that no matter how hard you try you can’t see tomorrow. So you close your eyes and somehow time keeps moving on.
I lost interest in eating and drinking and coffee. Coffee! Who on earth would believe that of me? Coffee has turned on me and snarled, arched its back and walked away and left me wondering why? We have gone our separate ways.I am not sleeping. I stare at the blackness until about 2 or 3 am. The nights are so incredibly long and stretch on and on and on. I lie there having in depth dialogues with myself about everything and anything. Sometimes I get up, just can’t bear to lie there anymore.
Sharing is something that is hard for me. Letting people in behind the towering wall I have built up over the years is virtually impossible. Letting people see the real me, what goes on behind my eyes and inside my head, is scary. And I have a blog, so how silly is that?Anyway, thanks I think in part to some chocolate pancakes, which it appears have the ability to heal and stick together broken bits, of which I have plenty, I am functioning again. My blog is back on track. Although this time I am not accepting and saying yes to everyone and everything that comes along. I will be trying to be more honest and open and that super scary word ‘share’ more of myself with my long-suffering readers. I am learning how to say no, which is something that I am not familiar with so please bear with me here.Ok, so onwards and upwards. Battle scared, weary and bruised but forever fighting.Look after yourself and your loved ones.
Melanie
Let go of what’s gone, be grateful for what remains and look forward to what is coming.