"What you choose also chooses you."
― Kamand Kojouri
Somebody has been lying to herself. No way it affects anyone but she. She can go around and around and around and end up with more of the same. I know someone who could not decide which path to take in a situation. She found herself seeking guidance and help by opening up to friends. After going around and around, after seducing her problem with constant attention, the friend said bluntly, "You have been going back and forth, and unable to decide which door to open for sometime now. You cannot seem to figure this thing out with your head. You're afraid you will make a mistake. But I tell you, the more you perseverate, the more life you are losing. Just drop everything and open one door. Don't think about it. You can always change your mind.
It can't be easy. Trying to break free from that which one considers safe. At one point in life or another (or many), you can find yourself settling for the status quo, instead of pursuing that which is makes your heart sing. Sometimes you might not even settle for the status quo, but much less.
Shame.
Step outside the fear space and allow change. Fear of rejection. Fear of not getting what you deserve. Fear of not being enough. Fear of external opinions. Fear of failure. Fear of success. Fear of the unknown. Fear of fear. Fear ad nauseum. And they feed each other. You roll around in misery and grovel in the dirt of darkness. You feel desperate. You feel lost. You reach the moment where you cannot can. Not one more day.
Until. Maybe. One day. One moment.
"There is a crack in everything.
That's how the light gets in."
― Leonard Cohen, Selected Poems, 1956-1968
One day there is a crack in the dark cloud that is fear. A sliver of light that beams in causing your eyes to squint. Can it be so?
Some people are so afraid of change and making choices, they stay stuck in familiarity. It's a sad thing to me. Nothing worth having comes without the possibility of failure. There is a saying that when you get sick and tired of being sick and tired, you will do something. Anything. Something other than that which you have been doing. Something different. Something new.
In moments where you see the choice, when it enters the room, when a splinter of something other than darkness squeezes into the space, just enough for you to catch it, then that is your moment. Then, it is up to you to choose. To not make a choice is to choose for no change.
And with the no-choice, you risk the cycle of starting the loop again.
So with that slice of light, when it comes, blink. Reach for it. Grab it. Stumble, crawl, roll in its direction.
This is your choice-point. Take hegemony over your own life.
Pick something. Anything.
Let the light in.
© 2019. Egyirba High. All Rights Reserved.
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