If you’re reading this article, you have probably had some real bad luck with boys in the past and want to know how to choose a good guy this time OR you are dating a few guys at the same time (circular dating – which is increasingly becoming the norm) and cannot decide which one to get serious with.
So where do we start looking for Mr Perfect? Every guy has the potential to be your boyfriend – or even your future husband. Sites like Tinder and OKCupid only make your life more complicated by giving you even more choices. And then the constant pressure from society to NOT be single may make one take decisions rashly. “OOOH, he’s the first one that likes me. I’ll just become official with him and disregard his flaws.”
The WORST thing a girl can do is go by the looks. I think that at a certain point of their dating lives, girls start to realize that “hotness” does not equate to “good boyfriend”. I’ve personally dated guys who were attractive in my book. Cute smile, tall, beefy, even intelligent…what else could a girl want in a guy right? Wrong. These things should be secondary.
So what should be the primary factors that you should look at?
1)Consistency
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A lot of guys start out really “hot” at the beginning of your courtship only to turn “cold” later. It can go from 10 texts a day to maybe two. Four dates a week down to meeting once. Don’t brush it off thinking that it’s normal. “The honeymoon period is over. Surely this is normal.” I beg to differ. A guy who really loves you, will always be consistent in his efforts to be a part of your life. He will always text or call at the end of the day to find out how your day was. He won’t let his own busy schedule throw him off. You will always be his first priority. If your guy is turning cold, I can tell you that it’s not a good sign. He might already be getting bored. The right guy will never be sick of hearing your voice or meeting up to see your cute face.
2) Loyalty
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If a guy is REALLY into you, he will automatically feel like being loyal to you from the start. He will be the one pushing the “exclusivity” talk. You will never have to Google “Should the girl initiate the exclusivity?” or “How long does a guy take to be exclusive?” because he will already be dropping hints. “You’re the only girl I have eyes for,” is what every girl wants to hear, and with the right guy you most certainly will.
I once dated a guy who, after two weeks where we spent a lot of time together and he seemed very interested in me, suddenly told me that he has a few more dates planned with other girls. I am not with him anymore today but I can say with strong conviction that if a guy is still confused about you after seeing you and spending considerable time with you, chances are, it’s going nowhere. If you really want a long-term, loyal boyfriend, and this guy isn’t even willing to be exclusive after spending a lot of time with you, then ditch the guy. If he gives you very good excuses as to why he can’t commit (I am not ready, not at the right place in life, yada yada), still ditch the guy. You’ll thank me later.
3) Respect
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Love is just one aspect of a relationship. Respect is another very important criteria. And when I say “criteria”, I mean it; because no relationship can last without it. One way to see if he respects you is obviously the way he talks about you. If he praises things about you that he likes (other than your hot body) or your achievements in life, then he probably respects you. For example, “I love your discipline in working out regularly and you inspire me.” This means that he thinks you’re worthy of being his partner and he isn’t being just superficial and going for your looks. He respects you for who you are.
Another way he may show you respect is by letting you choose when to get physically intimate. Each girl has her own timeline when it comes to opening up to a guy physically. Some may be more conservative than others. A guy who is very pushy about getting physical and does not take your feelings into consideration is not a guy you want to be dating. He will not be a good boyfriend, neither will he make a good husband.
A guy who waits for you to give him the green signal is the guy who respects you and wants you for more than just your body. Never, ever feel like you OWE the guy your body just because you’re dating him. I’ve honestly been at the low point in my life when I felt like I owed it to a guy but then as I grew as a person, I learned to say “NO” and state my boundaries right from the start.
4) Priority
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I’m sure you’ve heard this one many times: No matter how busy a person is, he will always make time for you. This is kind of similar to the points made under consistency but this comes into play when a guy is very busy. Let’s say he has been good all along but now he is having his exams or a very important project is coming up at work. It would be unfair to demand the same amount of time and attention from him during this time. Most understanding girls will willingly give him some space.
What you do want to look out for is whether he still makes an effort to contact you, albeit less than the usual amount, or does he point-blank disappear? If he doesn’t contact you for two days straight and you guys are supposedly dating seriously and working towards a relationship…I’d say that this is a red light. If you really are close, he shouldn’t be totally disappearing on you when he gets busy. If you are high up on his priority list, he will still make time for you. NO. MATTER. WHAT. Get that into your head.
5) Effort
Also while trying to decide between one or more guys, remember to look at the effort each guy is making. Please please please do not get side-tracked by superficial things like him being able to play the guitar or being popular in school or him being up for promotion at work because all these things won’t matter when you’re in a relationship.
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When I talk about effort I don’t mean that he has to swim across the Atlantic Ocean for you to show you how much he loves you (although that would be impressive.) Look at things such as whether he drops you off at home after dates frequently (especially if it’s late). Does he make the effort of remembering your friends’ names, your favorite TV shows, your favorite colour, song, singer, actor, etc. In my humble opinion, most guys don’t like to have unnecessary data in their head and if you are not important to him, he won’t ever ask you questions about yourself.
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Don’t be fooled by monetary benefits of dating a guy. Anyone with money can throw it at you. Spending on girls, for a rich guy, is not even counted as putting in effort. On the other hand, if a guy probes you about yourself, he wants to really get to know you. If he sends you flowers, your favorite ones, not just any kind – that is effort. If you guys are of different races and he tries to get accustomed to eating the food familiar to your culture and watches movies in your language with the help of subtitles just because you didn’t want to watch that movie alone – THAT is effort. And that is the kind of effort you want to see.
If you can see these five very important qualities in a guy, along with love and affection of course, then he is definitely the right guy. Remember to heed Coco Chanel’s advice girls, keep your heels, head and standards high.
*Featured image is a property of Dmitry Ratushny
