"I wish it need not have happened in my time," said Frodo.
"So do I," said Gandalf, "and so do all who live to see such times. But that is not for them to decide. All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given us."
― J.R.R. Tolkien, The Fellowship of the Ring
Cacophony of outer chaos aside, this time has been a blessing for me in many ways. When I finally was able to pull my attention from the sounds and sights of a global emergency clamoring for my energy and attention, I realized that this was a moment ripe for growth for me. I saw that I needn't give my focus and energy to the collective fear, anxiety, worry, desperation, depression or darkness playing out boldly all around me, but that I could choose something different.
I determined to focus on myself and keep my head out of the panic that swelled around me. I realized that I had the opportunity to understand what this moment meant for me, and how I might best utilize it. As I saw it, there was no use marching in lockstep with the collective sighs, cries, and screams of fear, as there was little I could do about that, or with it.
Rather, I turned my attention to how I might use the time to get to know myself more, how I might deepen my awareness of my spiritual nature, and expand in understanding the personal and universal possibilities for my growth and my life that this detour from normalcy and habitual living had given me.
"The darker the night, the brighter the stars,
The deeper the grief, the closer is God!"
― Fyodor Dostoevsky, Crime and Punishment
As I watched people lose their sense of self-control, inner authority and power, and their ability to assess things with a stable, reasoned mind, it was clear to me that that was not the way for me to go. What would it do but make me feel hopeless, useless, confused, crazy, and more afraid of the unknown? I anticipated this moment when I realized there was a line in the sand being drawn, and that people had begun positioning themselves on one or the other side of that line. Moreover, doing so meant that rather than finding reassurance, a level of calm in the midst of emergency, there could only be accusations, antipathies, and anger in place of solidarity, strength, and stability. Of what use was that to me?
It's been a long almost-two years, but I have understood that I was meant for this moment.
"It is not despair, for despair is only for those who see the end beyond all doubt. We do not."
― J.R.R. Tolkien, The Fellowship of the Ring
Rather than yield to a feeling of powerlessness, drown in hopelessness, and surrender responsibility for myself, for my choices, my thoughts, my actions, in hope of rescue by others, I acknowledged the truth I had been learning about who I am, about what I am capable of, and most importantly, my own divine awareness now accessible to be put into practice during this earth walk experience.
I could choose to see the world as possible, and not as lost.
I decided that I believed that everything is in divine order, and that I am an eternal spiritual being. I did not look at each prescient moment to fear the inevitable loss of this body, nor succumb to fear of the possibilities of dying. I chose to see this time as that great and inevitable unknown in which I could embrace the life I had in each moment with its attendant beauties, gifts, and gratitude. I realized the power to acknowledge (and believe) that I had been bequeathed the greatest gift of choice by the power of divine love that sent me, rather than, a life of limitation and less, by which to shrink from life.
It was a moment that I had to understand, I had to decide if I believed what I said I believed. And while I understand well that no one wants to die, we are charged with living life as vitally, determinedly, and confidently in each moment that we have breath, literally and figuratively.
"The fear of death follows from the fear of life. A man who lives fully is prepared to die at any time."
― Mark Twain
We have drifted so far from ourselves from our understanding of ourselves as blessed beings on Mama Gaia living in resonance with the frequency of natural life which we came to experience, and instead, turned our attention and energy towards artificial living which diminishes that life in the name of 'progress'.
I watched people I know panic, and I felt calmer because I know I am here for an experience of life that transcends this moment. We've been talked out of our peace by the insistence that we live less (by living in fear, and being lulled into mindlessness through our incessant focus on screens and living vicariously through them. But that's another story for another time). To whom do we yield our faith and trust? Do we go along to get along, and further anchor fear of a pandemic planet? Or, do we understand the truth of who we are, what we are, and that there is a solution for every problem, (as Dr. Wayne Dyer said)? Do we keep our heads when all about us are losing theirs, in order to let calmer heads prevail? Or, do we give up that vital spark in service of squeezing a few more minutes out of those who promise us more time, by wanting to lock us down so we cannot breathe the breath of true freedom? Do we appreciate the life we have or look only towards that granted by artificial support systems, which in the end, cannot save us?
Only the Divine can deliver life to us. I say, I trust the Divine Love in me. I trust the Divine Life that IS. In the end, I drop this body and remember myself as part of eternal life. Meanwhile, here on the earth ranch, I live each day as if my last - with awareness, with vigor, with gratitude.
"These woods are lovely, dark and deep,
But I have promises to keep,
And miles to go before I sleep,
And miles to go before I sleep."
― Robert Frost, Stopping by Woods on a Snowy Evening
© 2021. Egyirba M. High. [Althea Grace]. All Rights Reserved.
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