Christmas Reminders

Christmas is once again upon us, and accordingly, so too is the Christmas party season.  It has been a full year since the last Christmas season, so here are just a few little tips and reminders of what is expected of you around this time of year.
DO:  Bring a host/hostess gift of a nice cabernet sauvignon, pinot grigio, or delicious dessert treats, particularly if attending a Christmas Party on, say for example, December 15^th.  A little bubbly is also a favourable gift, and will ensure you are granted entrance into the host’s home, rather than being forced to view the good times from the outside of a frosty window.
DON’T:  Bring fruitcake.  Nobody likes fruitcake.  How fruitcake became associated with Christmas, I’ll never know.  If you bring fruitcake to my party, don’t be surprised if I throw it at your windshield as I chase you off my property.  The same applies to a Jello mold.  Don’t put shit in my Jello!
DO:  Say “Merry Christmas”.  It’s Christmas time, you’re at a Christmas Party, so just say it.  Come on, say it!  SAY IT!!
DON’T:  Say “Happy Holidays” or “Season’s Greetings”, simply to be politically correct.  I’m not offended if someone says “Happy Hanukkah” in my presence, and if anyone is offended if I say “Merry Christmas”, well that’s their problem.  We’re all entitled to our own beliefs and traditions, so don’t buckle under an imaginary and ridiculous pressure.
DO:  Cut down a real tree.  This is the only time of year when those greeny tree hugger types aren’t going to get all over you for that.  And who says it has to be a fir or spruce?  I work for a land developer, and we have lots of nice oak, maple and butternut trees that we’d be more than happy to allow you to cut down at no charge, that would make a nice alternative for those looking for something a little different.  And once you get it home and decorate it, call it what it is… a Christmas Tree.  Santa does not put gifts under a “Holiday Tree”.
DON’T:  Drink too much at the office Christmas Party.  Nowadays everybody has a Facebook or Twitter account, and a cell phone that takes photos and videos.  Your office enemies will be all too happy to post photos of you embarrassing yourself all over the internet for all to see.  Unfortunately, long gone are the days when you could Zerox your bare ass and get away with it. 
DO:  Spike the egg nog.  Forget what I just said about not drinking too much at the Christmas Party.  You only live once, and think about how boring life would be if you didn’t have a few embarrassing moments to look back on.
DON’T:  Forget how lucky you are to have what you have both in terms of physical possessions, and more importantly, loved ones, as there is always someone less fortunate out there that would gladly trade places with you.  Remember the good times with those who are no longer here, and make new memories with those that are.
DO:  Prepare yourself to gain a few pounds over the next few weeks.  It’s going to happen whether you like it or not, so just give in and let it happen.  Go find a nice pair of elastic waistband pants, lose the belt altogether, and dig in.  There will be plenty of snow in January that you can shovel to work off those few extra pounds.
DON’T:  Drink and drive.  You know better than that.  Don’t be an idiot.  Just plan ahead, assign a designated driver, or take a taxi.  Nothing dampens the Christmas spirit like having a friend or family member killed as the result of your bad decision.
DO:  Finish your Christmas shopping early to avoid the crowds.  I fail at this one every year.  I always tell myself that “next year will be different”, but it never is.
DON’T:  Bug me and ask why I haven’t written a blog post in a month, otherwise you get posts like this, which are barely entertaining at all, but at least buy me a little time to think of something a little more interesting.
DO:  Enjoy the season, and have a very Merry Christmas!! J