I know there is still a sixth of a year to go and by the measure of anyone sane this is far too early for mention of the c word, and certainly not time for any ho ho ho.I have already met three people who have done ALL Their Christmas shopping. All of it. How is that even possible?
I would stand a better chance of provisioning a kayak trip up (or down) the Yukon river than of sorting out all the seasonal shopping. This I know because I recently met a woman planning to do just this, so I thought about it.
About now, coinciding with the first M&S ad and the local hardwear shop shoving a family of illuminated polar bears in its window my anxiety moves from free floating to festive.
However, not this year. No siree Santa.
I am going to be serenity herself. I will not get irrational and unreasonable culinary ambitions. This year I will be utterly content to aim for buying everything necessary readymade and any proper cooking that happens is a bonus.
The themed and glittering transformation of my home into a magical place is unrealistic - a fact I can finally accept. Therefore I will be content with wonky and moulting.
Shops pumping out merciless and catchy versions of Frosty The Snowman and Last Christmas will not catch me out this time. I am prepared - braced against my reaction.
Mistletoe and Wine will not cause me to hurtle up the seasonal aisle stuffing never-to-be-sent cards, selection boxes and just-in-case bath salts into my trolley. Not this year. While we're on the subject where is the selection element in a packet of sweeties you are going to scoff everyone one of?
So the next time someone asks if I'm ready - which they do with a glint of sadistic glee - I'm going to smile and say "yes, I am".
