You might have noticed that I've been more than 'a bit' absent on the blogging scene. If didn't guess from the list of inspirational films I posted last week, I've been running a little dry on the inspiration front.
Everything I wrote just felt stale and everything was written just for the sake of putting words on the page - and we can't be having that, can we?
So why is that? As much as I adore writing this blog, I was really considering throwing in the towel. Which really would have been a shame, because I adore getting comments from people and emails, and I've some astoundingly lovely people through the grand old community that blogging is. I was obsessed with this idea that if I was thinner, braver, generally better that everything would be easy. That I would somehow miraculously have all this extra confidence and be so much more content with everything I do. I felt as if I didn't actually have any control over the quality of my own life, writing, relationships or skills - and that they will all miraculously land in my lap one day, when I'm more deserving of them.
But this week, I went to watch another film which deserves a place on this list. Oh boy, oh boy - is it a good-un! The result of which? I was metaphorically slapped around with face with the glaringly obvious truth.
How much of our lives do we spend, only accepting what we think we deserve? How often do we deign to linger in the shadows, simply because we're scared of what's going to happen to us if we dare to be more? I know I do it, constantly.
I'm afraid of the pressure, and the reality of having to act on my dreams, rather than leaving them safely tucked away within the realms on 'one day'. Because I don't deserve them yet.
But persevering all the way to the end, rather than continually delaying and delaying our lives is the only way to achieve anything worthwhile. Winston Churchill said that success is going from failure to failure without losing enthusiasm.
So, no more giving you guys the silent treatment, no more hiding away behind my keyboard feeling totally unworthy of all this bandwidth I'm taking up.
Nobody puts baby in the corner, not even my unruly anxiety levels.
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p.s - The film was The Perks of Being a Wallflower
