I seem to have lost the ability to string a coherent sentence together
So instead I will try to say how I'm feeling with words
Afraid
Stuck
Paralysed
Lost
Anxious
Depressed
Suicidal
On the edge
Hopeless
Helpless
Crumbling
Terrified
Falling apart
Slipping
Cracking
Breaking
Drowning
Falling
Insane
Lonely
Crazy
Isolated
Sad
Numb
Scared
Apprehensive
Trapped
I just want this to stop
I want to pull the emergency cord and get off this God for saken train
It's heading for disaster and I'm driving it
I woke up this morning and had this awful feeling that something terrible was going to happen
I struggled to find reasons to get out of bed
To find reasons to go on
I got a lot of comments on my last post suggesting that I go back in to treatment
I am seriously considering it
I just don't know what else to do
Or where to turn
I'm so tired I can't even put on the pretense that I'm ok
I'm abusing my meds again
After doing well for a while I've slipped back
I take them as they're the only relief I get from my eating disorder
I feel like something has snapped in my mind
Like I've crossed over in to crazy
The line between dreams and reality is blurred
I don't know what's real and what's not
I don't even know if I'm real
This all feels like a dream
Or rather a nightmare
A never ending nightmare
I feel like I'm lost in a maze
Constantly running in to dead ends
Can't find the way out
Going round and around in circles
It's exhausting
Draining
It's tempting just to lie down and give up