I believe in the power of the mind and I believe in the power of instinct and intuition. I met my Husband at 14 and honestly, the moment I saw him, I could sense he was the one. We've been together for 17 years now, he's been my only boyfriend and he is my absolute soul mate. I think we give off things about ourselves without even realising and I think that some people can just 'know' things without prior confirmation.
I'm also very aware that as humans, we don't know it all. We don't know why we are here. How and why the Universe got here and what exactly happens when we die. Death is something I've thought about a lot. I hate that I think about it, but it's like this weird obsession because I am always aware that it is the only thing that truly is certain in our lives and it petrifies me. I have worried about death ever since I was a young girl and I'd cry myself to sleep worrying about losing my Mum. I don't know why I tortured myself so much, but as an adult now, I am continuously working on not overthinking it too much and instead, turning the fear into fuel to help me to live a happy and full life.My Mum has always been a bit spiritual. She'd always tell us she knew her Dad was around when she saw a robin in the garden or she'd find white feathers. She told me once she woke up in the night when I was young to see a figure of a girl stood by her bedroom door. At first, she thought it was me but the clothes she was wearing were old and then when the TV cracked (like it always used to), suddenly the figure was gone. She told me many other stories, one about how when she was fighting for her life in hospital, totally beside herself because my brother and I had to go into care whilst she was so unwell, she had a wire she was hooked up to that had been locked into a machine (so it couldn't be pulled out) suddenly spring out and hit her on the head. She told me that she just knew it was her Dad, as he'd always reassure her and comfort her by touching her head. She told me that once she got a message for an online friend who's Mum had passed telling her to 'Slow down'. She passed it on to her friend who responded with 'I don't even drive fast'. But my Mum was adamant that the message was to slow down. A few weeks later my Mum's friend suddenly remembered about the message as she was driving on a country road and so decided to slow right down and just as she did she went round a bend and straight under a tractor which took out one side of her car. If she had been going any faster she would have lost her life. There are many stories my Mum has told me about over the years that are similar to this - she even found out about my pregnancy with my second Son in a dream! And so I've never been totally closed off to the idea of spiritualism. Contact from the 'other side'?One of my oldest online friends who I've been speaking to for over 7 years now and have met up with a few times, is also very much into spiritualism and last year she did a reading for someone that she found out afterwards was highly accurate. It fascinated me and I messaged her to say that if she wanted to ever practice then I'd be happy to send over a picture of my real Dad who died 14 years ago. He'd left when I was baby and I'd only really got to know him for a few years before his death and so I said that I wouldn't feel that raw emotion about it all, but that I was interested to know if he was 'still around'. Last week during a FaceTime chat about work, I asked her if she had picked anything up from the photograph and she told me she could try and do the reading right there and then. I don't quite know what I had expected, I guess maybe some obvious things or maybe not much at all. But as soon as she began I got chills down my spine. She started by telling me the name he was showing her was changing constantly between Jay and Jamie. His name was Jay (or James) but he was often called Jamie too especially by his Mum. She said she could smell larger and cigars and a pub. He was a big smoker (he died of emphysema caused by smoking) and loved pubs! He also drunk larger. He showed her Christmas and I found out afterwards from my sister that he absolutely loved Christmas. My sisters and I also always try to get together at least once a year - every Christmas! She said he was showing her soft 80's rock and he loved Bon Jovi, Billy Idol and other soft 80's rock. I have distinct memories of him enjoying it. My friend said he liked 'a flutter', I'd never heard this phrase but I asked my sister afterwards and she said this was true and he used to make a profit off of gambling and my other sister told me had won a horse in a game of poker once! He apparently referred to 'My 3 queens and my boy'. He named me and my 2 older sisters after past Queens and my friend said he was saying there was also a boy. I don't know about a brother on his side, but he was a ladies man and so I can see this being a huge possibility! He showed my friend five Grandchildren, which is correct and referenced someone having his name but not spelt the same - also correct - my niece! She said that he talked about people connected to him by describing them and I knew instantly who it was about. I've decided not to share too much about it as it's personal but it was things about these people that I know my friend wouldn't have known. My friend said that he showing her a frame on a mantelpiece at one point and that the photo inside was of the boys, she said he was blowing hearts at it and then it switched to an aerial view of Ethan at school. My friend said she was being told by him that Ethan would win an award for being really creative and that my Dad was saying he'd be there in the assembly when he was presented it and that I should be so proud of Ethan as he is a little 'smasher'. This was significant to me as I have been worrying a lot about Ethan and school since he started a new school in September. He apparently also referenced the '3 amigos' being back together - he had 2 brothers who have also passed and I am sure I've heard that same phrase used about them before, but I am yet to confirm this. My friend said he referenced how different we are, which is also very true (he was very much an extrovert, very social and the life of the party whereas I am an introvert who shies away from being the center of attention). My friend described his personality as if she was in my head or if he had been stood there right next to her. It was as if she really, really knew him - though she actually never met him and he died years before our online friendship began. She ended by telling me he felt sorry and that things had been 'complicated' but that he was proud and said, "She gives those boys everything'. Apparently, he drew very close and my friend could feel his emotions. He told her to tell me he wishes I had had the chance to get to know the real him and that even though he knows I get pangs of jealousy as the stories about him are so far from what I had and knew, to talk to 'them' as a way to get to know him. This made so much sense to me and the jealousy pangs are also correct. My friend said he showed her 3 bunches of daffodils (maybe one for each of us) and then he stepped back. There are some things that I've missed out of this post as they are very personal, and it's some of those things that are really hard to make sense of on a logical level as I know my friend wouldn't have known some of it. There was also one particular thing mentioned that even I didn't know and have since confirmed as true. There were things I was struggling to place initially such as a snooker table that he showed my friend, but when I asked my sister about this she asked if it could have been a billiards table as he had had one in his bar in his home, and then I looked up Billards table on google images and it looks just like a snooker table! I was also struggling to place the cigar smell as I know he smoked cigarettes but my friend was sure it was cigars she could smell. I questioned my other sister a few days later and she told me that he had loved a cigar and a larger as a celebratory thing! I also told my sister about the fact that he had called Ethan a 'smasher', it was a word that had stood out as my friend had said during the reading that this wasn't a word she would choose to normally say and it was also not a word I've ever heard anyone use, and my sister said he used to say that exact word about little boys and he called her little brother a 'smasher'! He'd also shown my friend blue cheese and my sister told me that he had a blue cheese he brought out every Christmas that was older than her! I wondered why, if it was really him, he hadn't shown certain things that I feel he would have known would instantly prove to me that it was really him. But actually, now I think about it maybe he wanted me to reach out to my sisters. Since chatting to both of them I've felt instantly closer to them and in a way, him. They've also been able to pretty much confirm it all as accurate. I had no idea what I had expected from the reading, but it really was as if he was really there. I got instant chills which I hadn't expected and it really was as if she was like an interpreter just receiving and passing information on really quickly. I'd even tried to make a conscious effort not to talk or ask any questions throughout. Afterwards, my friend revealed that she hadn't even known his name and that she didn't know I used to meet up with him. She said that all she knew was that he had left when I was a baby. She didn't even know I had 3 nieces (making 5 grandchildren like he had shown her) she thought it was wrong and that there was only 4.In all honesty, the reading affected me much more than I had thought it would. I gave myself a headache for days trying to understand the whole experience and I found that it brought up some emotions in me that I had maybe locked away, but actually I found quite a bit comfort and reassurance in it, whilst also finding it utterly fascinating! So do I believe in spirits and the afterlife now? The answer is the same as before - I really don't know. I follow the mentalist and illusionist Derren Brown who can do very similar readings but says he possesses no psychic abilities whatsoever. But then when I think about the stories my Mum has told me over the years and the fact that my reading was done by my closest online friend who I'd not spoken about my Dad much too and who never knew my Dad at all but was able to tell me things that she had no way of knowing. Plus knowing that there's nothing online about him at all! It's enough for me to say my mind is open, especially as I refer back to what I said about there being questions things about life that as humans we may never fully ever get answers for. Either way - I find it all absolutely fascinating and I well and truly had my mind blown!Thank you for reading. Alex xo