David Petraeus From A Woman’s Perspective
I had dinner with an old friend last night who has worked frequently with the military. We discussed the Petraeus affair a bit. As women, we half-heartedly expressed outrage over how everyone focusses on Paula Broadwell’s looks when discussing her in the media.
I say half-heartedly, because as women, we’re used to judging—and being judged—based on looks. I myself have been pouring over images of Broadwell and Jill Killey, who are both (I think you’ll agree) like 6’s, and thinking to myself that if they lived in New York, they probably couldn’t even get in bed with Anthony Weiner.
The way to combat men objectifying women in the media, it occurred to me, is not to demand that they stop commenting on how we look, but rather to start doing it ourselves in regards to them. Below is a false transcript of an interview between Anderson Cooper and Sandy Matthews, a fellow soccer mom and confidante of Paula Broadwell.
Anderson Cooper: So your children were in school with Paula’s sons around the time that the affair began, am I wrong?
Sandy Matthews: That is correct, Anderson
Anderson: Were you aware that the affair was going on?
Sandy: I was, Anderson
Anderson: What did Paula tell you?
Sandy: She told me that she had just started an affair with a married man, but it had to be kept a secret because he was a high ranking military official
Anderson: What did you say to that?
Sandy: I said tell me everything, I swear I won’t tell anyone
Anderson: What did you say when you found out who it was?
Sandy: I said, he’s alright looking, but is he kind of short? He looks kind of short in pictures. I also commented that he had rather large ears, but looked like a nice person.
Anderson: Did Paula, at the time, mention how often they were seeing each other?
Sandy: She said that it was mostly an email, text message kind of thing. They would spend the day together in Afghanistan, acting very professionally, and then when she got back to her hotel room he’d text her something like “what’s up?” or “are you out of your running clothes yet?” And then they’d really get into it.
Anderson: What do you mean get into it?
Sandy: You know, start talking dirtier and dirtier until he said he was going to go take a cold shower and go to bed.
Anderson: So at this time, they still weren’t actually sleeping together.
Sandy: No, they were, but the General was very shy about it. Paula said his penis was on the smallish side of average, and kind of weird looking.
Anderson: That’s interesting
Sandy: I said to her, how thick was it, and she wrapped her index finger into her thumb almost to the first knuckle
Anderson: That’s not even that thick
Sandy: Yeah, exactly
Anderson: Was Paula at any time worried that this would become public, given that he had such a high profile position?
Sandy: She was, but the general thing is pretty hot, right? She was really into it.
Anderson: At any point, did she express regret about what was happening?
Sandy: She of course was worried about her husband and two boys, whom she loves more than anything in the world. But the general was very persistent, and it was hard when she was so far away from home to resist those text messages.
Anderson: When did Paula become aware that there might be another woman, Jill Kelley, involved with the situation?
Sandy: I’m not sure, because soon after Paula first told me about her and the general, I let the cat out of the bag with a few other mothers in the neighborhood, and she stopped talking to me
Anderson: Do you have any personal thoughts on the situation?
Sandy: I mean, I probably wouldn’t hit it. He’s almost the same age as my father! I asked Paula if the rumors are true about 60 year old men and saggy balls, and she said she could never really make them out, but either way, she didn’t really mind.
Anderson: Thank you Sandy. Next up, we explore how men can improve their penis size with a new fad plastic surgery procedure. But will it kill you?
