Today is one of my last full days in New York and when I think of what I have to do, I think my head might explode. Let's see, I need to pack for the winter (simple, just loads of sweaters, ankle booties and opaque tights - check!), clean my room at my mom's house (ok, just hang up the clothes on the floor, change the sheets, swifter the wooden floor - check!), buy American novelties like bubble gum flavored vodka to shock my French friends with (avec plaisir! Just a trip to my 'candy store' - check!) stock up on L'Oreal make-up because in France it's sold for double in Sephora (Candy store 2 - Rite Aid, a.k.a The Holy Grail - check!), wash out my post-breakup Robert Smith black hair dye and put in a more attractive and autumn appropriate chocolate brown (not so fun but necessary - check...) and take a pregnancy test..(Wait..what?) ..and take a pregnancy test (Ok, I read that right. Fucccccccck! Check?). Happy Birthday to me.
I have been nauseous for days and my breasts are huge and sore. Fuck. It's just not possible that I would be pregnant! Really. Sébastien and I have been safe! Come on! It would truly be the immaculate conception. Breathe. But why do I feel so awful in the morning and my breasts feel like lead? First things first, the least of my problems; my hair. Let's hope the dye doubled with the color corrective rinse doesn't make my hair fall out and second things second, my test, and let's hope that I don't have a baby 'Stien in the womb. I just don't know how I would manage. I'd be screwed.
While my hair came out a gorgeous, rich, glossy brown, I'm putting off the pregnancy test for a few hours. I'm going to go have dinner sans wine and prepare myself for the potential of receiving the ultimate birthday present; a gift I'm not so sure I'm ready for. I'm 30 and don't think that having a child would be as tragic as it would be had this happened in my early 20's but what a buzzkill on a blooming relationship. I'm also not married, not settled and unsure of my future. Would this be a miracle or a curse?
Today is about preparing myself for the ultimate holy shit moment and making it work either way.At least my hair looks good? The silver lining is starting to get a little played out...Seriously, putain...