I know that I've said it before, but I can't believe how fast time is going by! I'm almost hitting a year! What's going to happen in these last 65 days? I'm prepared for anything - as long as it doesn't involve me getting robbed again by someone that I know - I'm game for anything. It's incredible how the first 30 days went by excruciating slow, like an episode of Ghost Whisperer, where I felt like I just wanted to die, as everything seemed to be moving in slow motion to now where time is slipping away.
Saying that, I must tell you guys that I did something. Something that I have been avoiding for a year that could have either been cathartic or completely catastrophic. What did I do? I waited in front of MF's restaurant in the pouring rain wearing a Burberry trench, reflecting on old times...
I'm totally kidding. Scared you, didn't I? How creepy would that have been? While I didn't reenact a scene from an old film noir movie, I did pull out my old PC that has been stored in the back of my closet and looked at old photos of my former life here. Why would I attempt emotional suicide? I'm not sure exactly why, but I needed to look at these photos to take my emotional temperature on the whole ordeal, to see exactly where I was at with everything that had happened. For the past year, I have been so terrified of crossing paths with these memories that haunt me, that I went as far as replacing my PC for MAC (which was the best impulsive decision) to avoid revisiting my old life - my old life that seemed to have changed over night.
So, the verdict after taking a walk down memory lane, going through photos of past birthdays, Christmases and 14 Juillets? Do you really want to know? I don't blame you if you don't, or if you don't really care, but this is something that I had to do for me. Well, as it turns out, I wasn't as haunted by the past as I had thought and feel like a weight has been lifted. That feeling of heartbreak that I feared would return like Georgina on Gossip Girl, never did. I guess it shouldn't after a year, but as we all know, our hearts have a funny way of operating, where they have a way of negotiating the facts to persuade our heads to follow them. In this case, my head and heart were actually in agreement. Finally.
The only sadness that I did feel, was not for the loss of him and my former "friends", but for the loss of the wide-eyed, trusting person that I used to be. A girl that didn't believe that someone would purposefully go out of their way to hurt me like Phil did, a person that didn't believe that people, who were supposed to be my friends here would secretly take pleasure in my misery and add salt to my wounds by speaking terribly about me, a person who didn't think that someone would kick me when she knew that I was already down and would rob me like Katie did, and the person who thought that MF loved me - for me. He loved the idea of me.
My little blast from the past with my ancient Dell laptop allowed me to understand once again that the past is just that; the past. I've lost count of the people in my life that have come and gone. Friends, acquaintances, lovers, boyfriends and the worst, relatives who have passed, so there is no reason that MF would be an exception to this. We're not supposed to take everyone with us in our journey of life.
Returning to the present: I got home from work an hour ago and am in pain - good pain, but in pain. I screech from a sharp ache in my lower back when I bend down to take off my shoes, my feet sting when they get wet in the shower from the highheels that I've been wearing for 13 hours straight, and the whites of my eyes are a lovely shade of crimson, from lack of sleep but it feels good to know that I worked my ass off today. Séb just opened a bottle of champagne and we are celebrating, not because I'm over MF and appreciating life again (because that's starting to get played out besides the fact that it would be weird to celebrate that with him) but because he was on TeleMatin this morning (I'm so proud of him!), because spring is creeping in on us (has anyone noticed?), because I'm loving the hustle of Fashion Week (for the most part) and tout va fucking bien (et voilà!).
Today was a great day, even if I am walking like an old lady and the models are acting like Naomi Campbell, where I had one storm out during an important meeting.
In fun Fashion Week gossip, to lighten up this post a bit, I met a famous fashion editor in the showroom today...(no, not her!). Which one? I can't say, but what I will say is that she may or may not be a judge on a fashion contest reality show, and I'm here to report that despite her cold demeanor on said show, she was actually quite lovely. Who would have thought?