Oh how I wish I could genuinely get this letter to you back then, there are so many things I'd love you to know about...You've always been a worrier and never more so than now, turning 18 and officially becoming an adult is playing heavy on your mind and you worry so much about so many different things...there are so many things I'd love to tell you, so many worries I'd love to ease, so much advice I'd like to give so that maybe you can just enjoy your youth while you have it, without always feeling so worried about what might be around the corner.
ANXIETY WORRIES
You're an anxious soul, and to be honest that anxiety will never really leave you, but you will find ways to learn to live with it more easily and the sooner you start trying to do that the better...so if there's one thing I would love you to do a bit earlier on it's to seek out some professional help for that anxiety. Ignore what people tell you - they all mean well but the truth is, it won't just go away by itself. It won't just get better as you get older. And "just trying to block it out of your mind" isn't the way to really deal with it - you'll manage it so much better with some professional help, so ask for it. Do it sooner. Don't wait until you're 35 to do it, when you've spent your whole youth living with it.
RELATIONSHIPS
At 18, you're convinced that your current boyfriend is the one you'll be with forever - but I think if you're really honest with yourself, you don't actually want that to be the case. You're just worried that you'll never find someone who really loves you, your self esteem is still so low and damaged from your school experiences that you're amazed you've got any boyfriend at all and you feel like you should hold onto him because you might never find anybody else.
You will and you do...but that feeling of uncertainty and unworthiness will follow you throughout this relationship, and the next one and even the one after that.
And that relationship is the one you need to watch out for.
I'm not going to tell you too much about it because it's a little too intense for your young head to take in right now, but all I will say is...DO NOT STAY. What he does to you is NOT ok. Trust your instincts, and end it right away. End it the very first time it happens.
Don't say yes.
But try not to worry so much - you will find someone who makes you genuinely happy, who loves you for exactly who you are, and you will go on to have (at least!) 3 beautiful children together.
I don't want to spoil the surprises but I would advise you to maybe start paying a bit more attention to the boy names in that Big Book Of Baby Names you read all the time! ;)
HEALTH & BODY CONFIDENCE
At 18, you're around a size 8 in clothes and you weigh less than 9 stone...yet when you look in the mirror you see a fat girl looking back at you. You're always putting yourself on diets, telling yourself that you're too "Big" to wear this or that, you don't even want to go on your big exciting holiday to America because you worry that you're too "fat" to wear a bikini.
Well, what else can I say except STOP BEING SUCH A BLOODY IDIOT!!! You will spend your 20s and 30s WISHING you were half as "fat" as you are right now, so buy the bloody bikini, wear it and enjoy it! You won't have this body forever and you will miss it when it's gone...no you don't have the "Britney Belly" you think you need, but it's not long before even Britney herself doesn't have it anymore so don't spend your life worrying about it!
You have a tendency to worry a lot about various health niggles - from your IBS symptoms to the intimate itch you tend to get after working at the hospital wearing tights all day during the summer, you find yourself feeling nervous and under confident a lot of the time...worried that people have noticed, that they think badly of you. But these are things that can happen to so many people and they're nothing to feel so embarrassed about, there are products available to help ease the symptoms and you'll find a way to manage them in time.
Around now, you'll have been diagnosed with Graves Disease...a condition of the thyroid. You're not too sure what to expect from it all, you've been given some medication to take and they've given you the choice of having radio iodine treatment to kill the thyroid gland or waiting a while and taking the medication. Choose the radio iodine, because this condition isn't going to go away - you'll suffer many side effects as a result of it over the years, and the condition along with the medication will see your weight balloon over 10 stone in the next 15 years. You'll feel completely out of control of your own body and you will hate that feeling so much. The radio iodine becomes much more difficult when you have your own children, so do it now...it's only a few days out of your whole life, and it could have made all the difference.
FAMILY
You're 18 and your family are people you put up with more than anything else. Your cousins are your friends and partners in crime on nights out. There are however times when you can't wait to move out and be on your own two feet, free from nagging and overly protective parents.
Times change, but your parents and sister remain. Yes, parents still nag, and are overly protective, there will be clashes and falling outs between you but you will learn to view this from an adult perspective. Learn to view it for what it really is. Simply two parents who love their daughter. You will be grateful for their love and support in the years ahead. And as for your annoying little sister, she's actually not that bad if you give her a chance...in fact she'll become your best friend as you both get older, even though you were never that close in your younger years.
The thing I want you to remember most of all is, even if you don't do anything else differently, just don't worry so much...things have a way of working out, and your life is on the right path. You'll feel more comfortable in your skin one day, and you'll have a happy household full of love, laughter and little ones...and we both know that there's really nothing more that you would ever want from life!
Love, 35 Year Old You xx
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