I cannot believe in a few days it will be two years since you went to rest. Time does fly. I still miss you more than is possible to express. Obviously your passing is not a good memory for me and neither is your funeral. But they are not my worst memories. Your passing was peaceful. Your funeral was how I know you wanted it to be and I take pride in that. My worst memory is when the doctors made it clear to us that you were not going to recover. Trying to hold onto my faith and belief in miracles yet surrendering to the reality of what was happening. The sadness. The disappointment. The fear. The pain. The knowledge that I was going to have to be strong. The faith that the strength would come from somewhere… and it did.
I tell you about my feelings not to relive them. Just to acknowledge that this is how I felt. And also to let you know that while I do have this memory, worst then all others, it does not haunt me. It does not haunt me because there is nothing that I could have done differently. But most of all it does not haunt me because you would not want me to let it. And everyone knows I listen to my Dad :-)
So, while I miss you terribly and have some painful memories of losing you I am not living in sadness, disappointment, fear, or pain. Instead I am living a life in pursuit of happiness. I am Chasing Joy. I remember you telling me “the party aint going to find you, you got to go out and find the party!!!” I have been looking for the party and writing about it. I know you would be proud of me; happy that I have taken up writing (I remember the Christmas story you wrote :-); and excited about the adventures Chasing Joy will give me.
I am doing well and improving all the time (I know you think I’m perfect but there is always room to improve). I still spend more money than you think I should but I also still save. I still have my “good job”. I’m still looking for the right guy. The one you’d secretly like but never admit it. Oh and I ran a 5k. You would have loved that :-)
Mom is doing good too. Retired and having fun, but not too much fun, at “The Game”. Things are as you would have predicted with the boys. The grandkids are happy and growing into awesome young people, confident, smart and attractive. And none of them seem short… LOL. The youngest grandson is athletic and loves to dance. I wonder where he got that from :-)
I don’t see your siblings too much. That is still really painful to see them without you. But thanks to Facebook and Twitter, computer stuff that you wouldn’t really understand, I know they are well.
We are all doing well because you prepared us.
Thank you,
Love me.
PS... Pinto is getting old but she is still greedy. Peanut is still bad (you may have been right about that crack cat thing). I still have Hurt. He is doing really good for old guy. Mom takes him for walks and everthing now :-)