**Disclaimer ~ If you are a man, or a really young woman, or someone that doesn’t want to hear me say fuck more than once, you might just want to skip this post. I don’t wanna scare the hell out of anyone, you have been warned…
I. have. every. one. of. these. symptoms.
FUCK.
I found this list at 34 Menopause symptoms.com and ya, they have a website…
1. Hot Flashes, Flushes and/or Cold Flashes
Ok…see number 2. for this one I thankfully don’t have these yet, well not very often, maybe once or twice, dammit.
2. Night Sweats
Oh. MY. God….I hate them…
3. Irregular Periods, Menstrual Irregularities
On time? So you know when to expect it? Yes my whole freaking life, until about three months ago, now hardly ever, well unless Bill is coming to visit then sure as hell I get it…sure as HELL….
4. Loss of Libido
Well I only get to have sex once a month with the above shit going on with a boyfriend living 300 miles away, so whatever, how the hell would I even know?
5. Vaginal Dryness
I can’t believe people even TALK about this…no comment…
6. Mood Swings, Sudden Tears
The fact they even said tears made me cry, no shit…
7. Fatigue
Never been so tired in my life…not even kidding here, by 7pm I am literally done in.
8. Hair Loss or Thinning, Head, Pubic, or Whole Body
Well no…I don’t think, I mean…oh nevermind…
9. Increase in Facial Hair (I gave this it’s own number, just because I felt it needed to be talked about…ha!!!)
Well there is a hair or two that keeps coming back that I could certainly live without…
10. Menopause Sleep Disorders (With or Without Night
Sweats)
I am exhausted but throw myself around all night, that counts right?
11. Difficulty Concentrating, Disorientation, Mental Confusion
What the hell am I doing here?? Where is here? And who the HELL are all of you?????
12. Disturbing Memory Lapses
YES…bizarre shit that there is no chance I should forget. I always remember eventually but what the hell?
13. Dizziness, Light Headedness, Episodes of Loss of Balance
YES…
14. Weight Gain during Menopause
Assholes…
15. Incontinence, especially upon Sneezing, Laughing, Urge Incontinence
Luckily I haven’t come across this one yet, ok I lied I don’t have them all, but I can make my Mom pee when I make her laugh too hard :) that has to count for something!!!
16. Sudden Bouts of Bloat
I seriously had this on Wednesday…who knew it was menopause, I thought I had the flu or something…even though I am not even really sure what it is, I had it…I DID!!!!!!!!!!
17. Increase in Allergies
I have far more allergic reactions to peoples bullshit than I ever had before…so yes.
18. Changes in Fingernails-Softer, Crack or Break Easier
Yes they do…that is why I have none. I mean I have them, they are just really short…
19. Changes in Body Odor
Probably so, I thought it was just summer, but I could be wrong, so I went an bought new deodorant just in case.
20. Bouts of Rapid Heart Beat
Show me a picture of Keith Urban, happens every. single. time.
21. Depression
There are days, but I try and muddle through it…
22. Anxiety, Feeling Ill at Ease
Yep, which is weird for me, cause I am usually not like that at all.
23. Irritability
Assholes.
So yes.
24. Panic Disorder, Feelings of Dread, Apprehension, Doom
After I read this list you are fucking right I do…
25. Breast Pain
Ya, like when I was nursing. Who knew and why doesn’t anyone tell you this shit?
26. Headaches during Menopause
Ya, and I get enough of them already, but they are weird ones. Like just barely there but never really gone. Sucky.
27. Aching, Sore Joints, Muscles and Tendons
Every single bone in my body. Alot of the time…
28. Burning Tongue, Burning Roof of Mouth, Bad Taste in
Mouth, Change in Breath Odor
Absolutely, brushing my teeth 3 times a day is not enough to get rid of the bizarre taste in my mouth, what the HELL is that all about?
29. Electric Shock Sensation Under the Skin And In The Head
YESSSSSSSSSSSSS…that explains some shit…
30. Digestive Problems, Gastrointestinal Distress,
Indigestion, Flatulence, Gas Pain, Nausea
Hahahahahahahahahah, not even gonna need to comment here, am I?
31. Gum Problems, Increased Bleeding
Yes…teeth hurt, no bleeding though…that would suck.
32. Increased Tension in Muscles
Ya, but I probably just need a killer total body massage…just saying.
33. Itchy, Crawly Skin
When I am sleeping badly like everynight, I will wake up feeling like this…gah.
34. Tingling Extremities
My toes…my toes…
35. Osteoporosis (After Several Years)
Well there is something optimistic to look forward to now isn’t there…
So after reading said list, I am not sure if I feel worse or better. I mean how many years of this shit are we supposed to endure without there being some kind of a body trail?
I am 46, nearly 47…do the math. If it is supposed to keep up til we are 51…
THAT IS FIVE MORE YEARS…
Sometimes, I wish I was a boy.
Not very often, lets get that straight right now. But right this minute after reading this shitty list…yes I do.
Boys suck.
They never have to do any of the hard stuff.
Putting up with us should be freaking easy. Seriously, if you are gonna think about bitching about our menopause boys, you should probably think twice, I am sure there are statistics out there that I can dig up…
Have a wonderful fucking day all…