Life is simpler and more secure if you always do everything the same way you always did it.
I remember getting into silly arguments with Adrian along this line. He liked to experiment and try new ways of doing things. I always preferred the tried and true.
The other day I had a revelation: what if I tried a new way? What if I diverted from the path?
I’m not even sure what that means.
Since I have bipolar disorder, routine has been my friend, helping to keep my moods stable. Why should I give it up now?
The unknown is scary.
I am afraid of so much. One of my sisters said to me this past year, “What ever happened to that girl who left home at 17 to travel 3,000 miles to go to school in LA?
That girl wasn’t afraid. She wanted to put as many miles between her and home as possible. She wanted to remake her life and her self.
A driving force like that can move me.
Now as winter approaches, I yearn for comfort, warmth, and quiet evenings at home by the hearth. I pull back from adventure.
My explorations these days are more of the inner kind.
Discovering joy and meaning in each moment—in life itself—may be the new path for me.
I walked down my little road to the mailbox in late afternoon the other day, thrilled to see pink clouds in the sky. Today I look out my window and see the bare branches of willow trees waving in the wind.
Seeing. Breathing. Being.
