I have a confession to make…I am signed up on Plenty of Fish. I know, I know…call me a hypocrite or whatever you want. I was bored.
I do stupid things when I am bored. I have to say, I am amused by it all…and I have met one guy that seems to have his shit together and didn’t ask me for naked pictures in the first 15 minutes, or actually at all. There may be some hope.
But then there are the other guys, you know, the blog fodder guys. I will call them that for lack of anything nicer to call them. Douchebag comes to mind…but that wouldn’t be very nice would it?
And actually I only have one specific one so far, the other guys have either been guys who I know in real life (and wouldn’t date…we mutually agree on this I believe) and that can be awkward…hey Bob…ya, it’s me Donna…I don’t wanna date you, just thought I would say hey and see how fishing in the douche pond is going for you?
Then there are the guys that nail you in the first five minutes of signing up, that don’t remember talking to you last time you were on (doing a blog experiment, which you told all of them up front and used EXACTLY THE SAME USERNAME), when they also nailed you in the first five minutes of signing up. All good, but no.
So back to the douchebag blog fodder guy…
The first message he sends me says… where are you located – can I see your pictures?
Of course I mouth off back and say a little foreplay would be nice first.
Because seriously, say hey, how are you? How’s your weekend going?? ANYTHING to break the ice a little bit.
After brief bantering back and forth, and me being too challenged to actually send the pic, I figure it out.
He tells me I am smoochable…Dude??? What the fuck? I tell him that is the first time I have heard that line before.
He then asks me if I have nice legs and can I send a full body shot?
I tell him just to take my word for it, I am hot…hahahahah…really I said that. With Diann’s prodding.
But then…he asks me if I want to go for a drive? have some fun? tonight?
I am like WHAT? Sorry but a little too soon for that…
Who asks a 47 year old woman that? I am far past 17 years old, when that may have worked on me. The red flags are actually hitting. me. in. the. head.
Then he says, well how about a massage, full body with his hockey player hands, no strings attached?
WHAT THE FUCK?
I have NEVER got a massage in my whole life, (that I didn’t pay for) that didn’t end up with the guy wanting to get laid afterwards. I am good with that in the right situation, but buddy, you haven’t even bought me a fucking coffee yet.
I say, sorry have to pass, don’t do casual sex or massages…
He makes sure to point out he never said sex…because ya…that is totally how that works.
NOT.
He then asks me what I would like to do tonight then.
Now, I don’t wanna be a bitch here, but who the HELL asks someone out (at least I think that is what he was doing) at three o’clock on a Saturday afternoon, when they have talked to for about an hour. I mean I don’t want to message you forever, but good god…I may have a life here…
I totally told him I had plans. Maybe we could get together for coffee like never later in the week.
He then asks if I am on facebook or do I text?
I casually mention, that I don’t even know his name, nor does he know mine, but ya, I do text…
Hahahahahahah…oh my.
I crack myself up anyways.
I have yet to hear back from him. I am assuming that maybe the fact there will be no sex in the back seat of his car tonight has turned him off me, and I am only assuming that he even has a car, and doesn’t expect me to pick him up…
Besides that, I have a blog to write tonight…pretty sure that I can pass the time after 6 somehow :) My bathroom could use a good cleaning…
Happy Sunday night folks :)
