Self Expression Magazine

Emotions, Energy, Borderline, and Me: A Chaotic Relationship

Posted on the 13 July 2011 by Lisaannjarrett @bpdblog

Last Saturday, an issue came up that I wasn’t expecting…. nor did anyone else in my household.

Emotions, Energy, Borderline, and Me: A Chaotic RelationshipIt started off simple enough, but then escalated to a level I couldn’t have predicted. Welcome to the world of BPD (Borderline Personality Disorder).

I should mention first that I’m currently in Chicago, visiting with my parents for a few weeks– voluntarily. My home addy is in Washington State, but I was granted the opportunity to come here for a short period of time to visit while a good friend of mine in Washington is paying for me to do some DBT therapy (Dialectical Behavior Therapy) out here. I’m going back soon– trust me– but I’ve got some DBT to do before that happens.

Anyway, my parents came home from grocery shopping. After a LONG trip into the city (of Chicago) earlier that morning, I decided to stay home while my parents did the weekly grocery shopping. Simple enough, right?

Eh…. kinda.

Anyway, my mom came walking into the house with a load of groceries and she ended up falling on a mat my dad placed near the patio door. She freaked out and started to cry. I’m in the bedroom next door and I heard her horrible, painful moans, so I ran to her and asked what was wrong… but it’s obvious. Somehow, she tripped on the mat and ripped her stomach open a bit (and ripped her clothes as well– no surprise there). My dad, at the time, was outside. He was bringing in a few bags of groceries when I YELLED TO HIM, mentioning that mom had just fallen.

While I yelled for my dad, my mom was on the floor FREAKING OUT. I asked her if she was alright… seeing more of the damage from my stance than she could see from her point of view. Of course, it didn’t take her long to see what’s up, and that obviously didn’t help the situation out much.

I was ready to help…. ready to pick her up from the floor and ready to tell her to lay down on her bed… and then my dad came in.


I yelled to him, telling him what happened, and what was his first response? Instead of asking her if she’s okay, he made a smart ass comment. It was something along the lines of  ”…look what you did to the groceries!” Not. A. Good. Idea.

She was still freaking out. My nerves gave out, and my body got weak…. and my dad? He had the nerve to make a fucking smart ass comment. God help us all…..

Emotions, Energy, Borderline, and Me: A Chaotic Relationship

I lost control. I verbally went after him while my mom got off the floor and went to the bathroom. While I was dueling with my dad, I asked her if she wanted help… but she said that she was fine (yes, that totally sounds like my mom). BUT….

I continued to go off on him. Being my dad (and being blue collar as hell), he defends himself, bitch, bitch, bitch….

The argument didn’t end in anyone’s favor. I cussed him out, he said some horrible shit…. welcome to the working class, everyone.

What just happened?

As some readers may already know, people with BPD are VERY emotionally sensitive (1). Many of us can “pick up” on someone’s emotional state before other people can… sometimes even before the person themselves know what they’re feeling. Of course, one main trait of BPD is that affected individuals also tend to over read emotions– other people’s or their own. In Time Magazine, Marsha Linehan, the psychologist who created the very effective treatment for people with BPD known as Dialectical Behavior Therapy, states:

“Borderline individuals are the psychological equivalent of third-degree-burn patients. They simply have, so to speak, no emotional skin. Even the slightest touch or movement can create immense suffering” (2).

In the case mentioned above, when my mom fell, it wasn’t necessarily the fall that caused me to get emotional. Instead, it was the way my mom freaked out afterwards that got me all “revved up”. I basically picked up on her emotion and then over read that. When my dad then made the wise-ass comment he did, I lost it, and got into a heated argument with him. Not surprisingly, after the argument was over, I closed  my bedroom door, ran into my closet and closed its doors, and curled up with a blanket and had a little bit of a breakdown.

This is MY reality. This is ME.



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