9:26pm
Dear Diary,
I don’t know why I feel like this but I feel so lonely, so useless, and I just want to lie in bed all day and think about going back home. I never thought I would be thinking like this about university. I remember at the start of the year (in February) I was so happy, so ecstatic about being here in Dunedin and meeting so many new friends. But look at me now… I have a test tomorrow and I haven’t studied for it what-so-ever. I have made my ex girlfriend hate me, and break my heart. I have failed getting into Medicine. I don’t have many friends. I spend most of my time in my room now, watching YouTube videos. I can’t be bothered going to lectures.
It’s not looking good for me. All I did today was watch useless YouTube videos and read “The Game” by Neil Strauss. I… I really feel like crying, just to let it all out but nothing triggers me to cry. I need a friend to talk to, to confide in but there’s no-one. I don’t know what to do anymore. My happy mood from a few days ago is long gone, and I just want someone to understand me.
After the test tomorrow, maybe I can try to make things better. Ask my ex to become friends again (since we live in the same halls of Residence), and say sorry to the people I wronged. I’ve had enough of everything, I just want to break free from all this, break free from here.
Yours, -Harper