Sex gets better as I lose weight. I know Joe isn’t even that observant and he never had an issue with my body before, but I certainly had an issue with myself, and that kind of low self-esteem is what gets in the way of good intimacy. He was studying my legs this weekend while I was doing chores around the house just wearing one of his comfy hoodies and a pair of flip-flops; he has noticed my weight loss and so far, he seems to be enjoying it. I make sure to save plenty of my calories to eat around him, so although he’s expressed concern about how restrictive my diet is, he’s not super concerned.
The more I hear from people (especially him) that I’ve lost weight and that I look so good, the more I believe it. I know we’re all supposed to have an inner sense of these things and be confident in our own skin, but let’s face it… hearing a dozen people validate me certainly helps to convince my mean inner voice of my progress. This is not to imply that I am content with how far I’ve come, because if anything this is simply adding fuel to the fire of my discontent. I’ve tasted success now and I’m thirsty for more, and just imagine how much grander this will all become when I’m even skinnier!
But the journey is definitely helping me feel like a sexual being again. Remeron tampered with my sex drive for the two years I was on it, as have my body memories from my sexual assault. And when you feel ugly and fat all the time, it’s quite the libido-destroyer. But the self-confidence boost I’ve received over the past week is letting me be a 24 year old girl again with a hot boyfriend. That, and I went out with girlfriends on Friday night (Joe hung out with some guy friends elsewhere) and I was hit on repeatedly by all kinds of adorable boys. I am a flirt by nature, but never a cheater. And all that flirting and dancing on Friday did me a world of good and I returned home to my Joseph feeling attractive and desirable and sexy. Hoping you all feel the same! xoxo, g.